A few days ago, our friend from Dear Mr Levy, Spooky23 had a post entitled Luka Modric And The Threatly Hollows. When I saw that, as a dutiful nerd, I assumed that one of my favorite writers had just posted some primo Tottenham Hotspur, Harry Potter mashup fan fiction.That was not the case, but it got me thinking: What members of the Spurs organization would make good Harry Potter characters?
If you haven't read at least some of the Harry Potter books or seen the movies, just stop reading now. There is nothing for you here.
Harry Potter: Gareth Bale
Is there any doubt? The chosen one, the boy who lived (through a horrendous streak of losses whenever he got playing time). The one who is our only chance to defeat the Dark Lord. And if he continues to keep taking those hard tackles he must eventually die, sacrificed in the name of killing the last horcrux, the one the Dark Lord never intended to create.
Hermonie Granger-Luka Modric
Smart but underestimated for a number of stupid reasons and everyone "wants" them in some way or another.
Ron Weasley-Aaron Lennon
Some of you (Bryan Ashlock and Brian Mechanick) will disagree with me, but Aaron is Ron Weasley to a T, always forgotten about when standing next to his counterpart Bale. Not as skilled, never gets enough attention for his quality, and he never really gets to that next level of talent that we all know he can be at.
Luna Lovegood-Benoit Assou-Ekotto
That lovable oddball that is always there with something you need when you least expect them, a little weird, not a star, but certainly not an unimportant piece of the puzzle.
While Fred and George are awesome yet exactly the same, Tom And Wilson are boring as shit (since they are always injured or not in the game), and they are really pretty damn close to the same player, a tackling midfielder with a big body.
Percy Weasley-Jermaine Jenas
Nobody likes him, but he is still for some reason there, not as big a character as he was a few years ago though.
If you aren't really "in" to Hermoine, it's only because you are really "into" Ginny. Talented, smart, but hasn't reached her potential just yet (magically speaking, not the other way you pervert).
Lovable, passionate, yet always finding a way to ruin everything. Until that one part where he becomes uber badass.
Lord Voldemort-Roman Abramovich
If he is not stopped, he will destroy the world. His thirst for power at all costs is insatiable, and he does not care who he hurts, kills, or tortures to get what he wants.
Belletrix Lestrange- Robin Van Persie
Pure evil yet oddly attractive, in that dirty way (or so the ladies tell me).
Luscious Malfoy- Arsene Wenger
Evil to be sure but certainly not the true villain, just someone we really don't like. His actions are not truly despicable but he is a total asshole and we wouldn't mind if he got trampled by a Hippogriff.
Draco Malfoy-David Bentley
He began his life with the worst of the worst, yet in the end choose to come back to the light. Once on the good side he proceeds to do nothing at all.
Seamus Finnegan-Steven Pienaar
He occasionally comes around, but never to do anything important.
Albus Dumboldore-Daniel Levy
The man in charge, secretive, once seen as loving, now looked at with a mix of awe and confusion as we cannot understand his actions, only knowing that he has a plan and will execute it. You need not know the details.
Professor McGonagall -Joe Jordan
Powerful, disciplined, no nonsense, intimidating, scrappy, Scottish.
Severus Snape-Robbie Keane
In the end his contributions are indispensable. Yet while the story unfolded he seemed to change sides and awful lot didn't he?
On the side of good, but always making questionable decisions based on his belief structure that make no sense to any of the other characters, also his favorite player is Jermaine Jenas.
He has some abilities, has a great work rate and we love him for who he is but when it comes down to magic (read putting it in the net) he just plain sucks. Oh, almost forgot, he is tall.
Ludo Bagman-Team Finance Director Mathew Collecott
You may be surprised but I think it's a good fit. Since Bagman is a degenerate gambler constantly losing money he doesn't have. Weird, as the team itself is one of the top ten most valuable teams in the world yet seemingly CAN"T AFFORD TO BUY A SINGLE PLAYER. So, tell me right now that there isn't a good chance that Mathew Collecott hasn't gambled away all of the team's money and those goblins don't take kindly to welshing on a marker.
Katie Bell-Ledley King
Gryffindor quidditch team captain who we haven't seen nearly enough of recently.
Sirius Black-Michael Dawson
The father figure that never should have needed to be there. Always there for you, until he isn't.
Lavender Brown-Giovanni Dos Santos
At first there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with Lavender, then she starts dating Ron and we discover she has a lot of issues to work through before she can be of any value at all. Sound familiar?
Fleaur Delacor-Rafael van der Vaart
Supremely talented, and certainly not painful to look at, but always something just a little bit off that makes you feel weird about him (free kicks).
Remus Lupin-Roman Pavlyuchenko
For most of the month he is mild mannered, never really doing anything and then boom, that full moon comes out and the werewolf is loose on the pitch wreaking havoc. Then as quickly as its started its over, and he is back to being boring old Pav until "it" happens again.
Mad Eye Moody-William Gallas
The crafty veteran of so many wars, the grizzled leader who is past his prime but still has one more fight in him.
Skilled, talented, everyone loves him more than the people in charge. Not nearly enough time in the books.
Deloris Umbridge-Juande Ramos
Everything was fine at Hogwarts until you took over and ruined everything and as soon as you left, you took a job with an institution that everyone hates.
The Quibbler-The Daily Mail
It is somehow still in print and yet its only purpose is to make shit up and put it on paper. You may be saying that that sounds a lot like ITK but you see ITK is.. Rita Skeeter.