Disclaimer: There are two parts in this series. Today, I bring you the second.
I'm going to dedicate this second piece to our one and only Sir Uncle Menno.
Emanuel Adebayor = Amnesty Clause Veteran X
It’s too early to tell which player will have the impact on the NBA that Manny has had on Spurs. At some point there’ll be someone who a team is paying the majority of his contract to who impacts the 2011-2012 NBA Title just as Ade has done for Spurs. As Ade is playing for his career the same will be said of Veteran X as he’ll be required to have a great work ethic and impact the club with his positive, laid back attitude as Adebayor has with Spurs.
Rafael Van der Vaart = Manu Ginobili (San Antonio Spurs)
God didn’t build these guys to play a full season or even a game. The star lefties are pretty streaky but when they are in top form they are able to carry a team as good as any in their league. You’re far more likely to see them play a feature role against the Arsenal or Los Angeles Laker types than against teams such as Wolves or the Minnesota Timberwolves. Slowed too often by injuries, they attack relentlessly with or without "The Bald Spot."
Younes Kaboul = Josh Smith (Atlanta Hawks)
The terrifying athleticism this duo displays is rare. But while their physical gifts are numerous their mental gifts are nowhere to be found. While Kaboul has as many tools as anyone to dominate in the air he hasn’t quite figured out how to stop Spurs from conceding from set pieces because he loses his man. Smith lazily settles for the dumbest shot in basketball, the one just a step or so inside the arc, even though he’s atrocious at best at them. Their best moments are stunning but they too often can’t produce them consistently enough.
On a team with far more hot and established players these youngsters are becoming the next big piece in the chances of their squad bringing home a trophy. It’s important to develop internally so as these two have taken the leap they’ll be taking their team with them. Walker’s speed and width serve Harry Redknapp’s side well while Harden becoming a very efficient player and scorer has been a massive boost to The Durantula, Science's Deadliest Accident, and company.
Jermain Defoe = Jamal Crawford (Portland Trail Blazers)
These days they’re best being your best off the bench. While your team may be plodding along underachieving a late scoring burst from the subs will propel you to the result you desire. In a pinch they’re absolutely a talented enough player to start and play a bunch but they need opportunities and the ball, which aren't exactly the best first options for your team. In a pinch they can really help you swim when they’re firing straight.
Vedran Corluka = Brook Lopez (New Jersey Nets)
These players are pretty fair but certainly seem headed for the bench as they’re not quite good enough for a really legit team to overlook their lack of top level talent. Charlie can easily get burned if he gets even a bit out of position with his wheels. He’s a wide defender who can’t attack and track back without getting burned while Lopez is a center with size who simply cannot grab a rebound or move well enough for you to say anything more than he’d lose a race to a snail with arthritis.
Danny Rose = Goran Dragic (Houston Rockets)
The one moment of brilliance these players cooked up were simply ones where you earn cult status with. Rose’s goal is one of the most surprising and memorable in the history of one of London’s most famous clubs and Dragic’s domination of the San Antonio Spurs in the playoffs was something nobody saw coming as he kept two-time MVP Steve Nash on the pine in leading the Suns to a sweep of Tim Duncan and their nemesis the San Antonio Spurs. Dragic had his night with 26 second half points, but it wasn't quite as beautiful as Danny's.
Steven Pienaar = God Shammgod (updated - he of 146 career minutes with the 97-98 Washington Wizards)
Since Stevie P. hasn't really played for Spurs much I have no idea what to say about him. But, I've tried to figure this one out pretty hard. I wrote to the Men in Blazers awhile back to see if they could help me but they're on a bit of a holiday now as some of you may know. Anyways, once they get back to me on who Pienaar is I'll edit this but for now I honestly am clueless. And here is what I got from Rog Bennett of the MIB...
he will be gone within a week so maybe hold your creative juices... but he was like god shammagod.
Brad Friedel = Jason Kidd (Dallas Mavericks)
Whenever someone spills a sentence or two about these guys their ages inevitable steal the spotlight. In positions where youth always seems to be the top line on one’s resume they’ve handled their goalkeeper and point guard duties far better than expected at a better than respectable level in the thick of the championship hunt of late. To be fair though, Friedel has more left in in him.
William Gallas = Kobe Bryant (Los Angeles Lakers)
In a change of pace I’m comparing primarily the attitude of these guys as Bryant is certainly far more talented than Gallas. They share the childish, petulant and selfish traits which make them seem like they’re very poor teammates and leaders. With their fiery competitiveness flashing all the time they often act out of pure emotion. Don’t question the passion and will to win of these battlers. They’ve both called out more than their share of teammates publicly and torn apart many a locker room.
Roman Pavlyuchenko = Michael Beasley (Minnesota Timberwolves)
Are you cool Michael Beasley because you can score 30 points on 29 shots? What about you Pav, are you the man because you nail 27 of 29 shots into Row Z then hit two of those on target with only one going in the net? Beasley is simply the most unwatchable player in "The Association" due to his ignoring of his teammates, aversion to defense and how much every player on his team despises playing with him. I’ve never seen him simply catch the ball and pass it. He’s the biggest ball stopper in the league. No matter how many he’s missed in a row, he’s not going to give up the rock. Pav has earned his stripes for Spurs as their most despised player with his erratic shooting and pathetic work rate. These dreadful players possess just enough talent to justify not simply cut them loose, but the Timberwolves and Spurs faithful hope it happens.
I hope you've enjoyed this run through the Spurs squad where I've translated them all into NBA players. Happy New Year!