Happy Friday, Spursland! This is such a weird time, between Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza (real holidays) and New Year's, which is on the same level as Valentine's Day in my book (Editor's note: You may hav noticed a theme in the Hoddle -- theroosevelts hates fun.). You may still be running around seeing distant branches of your families, or friends from school. Just remember this one thing, Spursland -- it is important for you to mock them ever so slightly about the boys or girls they may be romantically linked with once they hit age nine or so.
I'm not encouraging anything mean, just enough to make them giggle and shout "Shut up, Uncle Kevin" or whatever. Something like " So (pause for dramatic affect) who is Oliver?" That is it. Right there. You did your job. Why is this your job? Because it is hilarious. Did you think I had some reason as to why doing this is important for their childhood development? No way, its just hilarious. It's an adorable right of passage. Don't let your little cousins, nieces and nephews be left out. (Editor's note: Look, the blind squirrel found the fun nut.)
And now the "news"
Hey, knock it off ,man. What is wrong with you tossing cold water all over our dreams? We are four days out from the window here. 'Round here that is prime time territory of #batcountry. You don't just take #batcountry away from people. It isn't healthy for their minds. Freud said that, or something. Besides, you are clearly screwing with Dan Levy's plans. As our man Skipjack pointed this out a few days ago, "So if the Sneijder thing was some huge double bluff to get Porto to offer Moutinho then Levy is a witch." You don't screw up Dan Levy's mind games without being fed to his vampire buddies...because he is a vampire. (Editor's note: So, roosevelts, who is this vampire you've been staring at?)
Well no, he couldn't because of rules and blah blah blah, but yes, he is very, very good, this Bale fella.
Hmmm I beg to differ.
The answer is Southern Miss Football.
Just a sample of this awesomeness
(Tom Ince was probably in his stocking or something. I don't know. Look, Christmas intros are hard work.)