Unhappy Monday Spursland! Yesterday was not a god day. First, a football team played a game of football against a bunch of under-performing, mysteriously overpaid guys with haircuts that reflect their personalities (you know who they are) and when that train wreck was over we sat through the Oscars. As an American, I feel I need to apologize if anyone from anywhere else on this planet was unfortunate enough to suffer through that awards show. I swear to god, none of us like Billy Crystal either. We know he sucks and we know the pre-show is the most pointless advertisement for clothes nobody anywhere can afford. Please don't look at us weird at the Olympics.
And now the depression and infuriation
"...The occasion got to them (I don't know)." Gee, do ya think? Who do you think let it get to them? It couldn't be Sandro could it?
Sure you can asshole, and by sure you can asshole I mean "please go grab your old ass an abacus and do some calculations and look at our schedule." We have a tough run of games coming up with Chelsea, Man Utd. and Stoke, but if you think it is at all possible for us to drop more than three, MAYBE four points in the stretch of games after that with Everton, Norwich, Swansea, Sunderland, QPR, and Bolton then you are high.
If you want a metaphor for what happened yesterday, just read the first paragraph. I was just going to copy and paste it here, but you need to just click that link and read it.
Whats happening around SB Nation after the jump
When I have kids, I'd like them to be exactly like this forever.
Guess, go ahead and think really hard to yourself which Serie A team would be the most likely to benefit from a call as bad as the goalkeeping from Heurelho Gomes. I hope that linesman enjoyed the watch.
I was going to say that Frank Lampard managed to be amazing for the club without nailing his teammates wife, but then I did some research just to be on the safe side (you never know with athletes). That's when I discovered "striping naked and vomiting in public" Frank, as I will now call him. This was all while abusing Americans grieving over the 9-11 attacks that happened THE DAY BEFORE. How did I not know this and how did he make John Terry seem like a nice guy, by comparison? Oh wait, Johnny Boy was there too. This explains everything. Congrats, Frank!
Good. You here us, FIFA. We are the 99% and we say good. We want less meaningless freaking games! We want less of our clubs players injured playing a meaningless friendly in Bratislava in August! And if maybe we could get the Africa Cup of Nations in line that would be a nice day and a half of work when you aren't just stuffing envelopes full of cash into each other's coat pockets.
So I guess this disproves my theory that this product seen every third commercial on all Nickelodeon shows since 1989 is pointless.