The Blueprint For Tottenham Hotspur To Sign Fernando Llorente

You may have heard of this Fernando Llorente character. He's very good. He plays for Athletic Bilbao. He scores lots of goals. He is dreamy.

Being very good and playing for Athletic, who until the season were just a lot of "meh," he has also been linked to other clubs with regularity. He was supposedly earmarked for Real Madrid, then he was going to infinity other clubs, yet he remains with Athletic and continues to score goals for them (25 of them this season) and not anybody else. If he did not leave bad Athletic, he's surely not leaving them now that they are good.

He's still really good, isn't he? You may begin dreaming about Tottenham signing him now.

Wake up! He's not signing with Spurs ... or is he? We have figured out how to get Llorente to sign on the dotted line and make White Hart Lane his home in three easy steps.

  1. Let Harry Redknapp walk and take the England job.
  2. Hire Marcelo Bielsa to be the manager
  3. Get Bielsa to woo Llorente to Spurs.
See, it's easy! Now who has Daniel Levy's number? I must share my brilliant plan with him.
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