Tottenham Hotspur have reportedly signed out of contract Aston Villa striker and England international Emile Heskey to a six-year contract. Terms of the deal were not released by the club, but according to football gossip site OMGWTFBBQ TRANSFERS, the deal will pay Heskey an estimated £80,000 per week.
Heskey follows in the footsteps of Peter Crouch, Emmanuel Adebayor and Louis Saha, aging strikers who were barely good enough for their clubs before coming to Spurs. In that sense, he's an absolutely perfect signing for Tottenham and should fit in with the club instantly.
"He's a top, top lad," said Harry Redknapp, when asked about the signing. "When Daniel sold Crouchy I got confused with what to do with the players. I tried that newfangled 4-3-3 everyone wants me to play but it was rubbish. With Emile in there we can kick it up to his head and keep it simple. And on top of that he's a great bloke."
This seemingly ends any chance Tottenham had of signing Emmanuel Adebayor permanently. Rafael Van der Vaart and Luka Modric are now likely to be sold, as they don't fit in with Harry's presumed new tactical setup.
*Editor's note: In case the 'Rubbish' tag and the publication link didn't tip you off, this is a joke.*