Are You Ready For The Best Transfer Rumor Article Ever?

YOKOHAMA, JAPAN - DECEMBER 18: Cesc Fabregas (#4) of Barcelona celebrates scoring a goal during the FIFA Club World Cup Final match between Santos and Barcelona at the Yokohama International Stadium on December 18, 2011 in Yokohama,Japan (Photo by Lintao Zhang/Getty Images)

Yeah, this is the holy grail. This is the best one I've ever seen. It's really not even close. Are you ready for this?!?

Here's the headline.

"Chelsea and Tottenham target can leave for free"

Well, who could that be? I can't think of a player who has been linked to Chelsea and Tottenham who would sign for either that could possibly leave his club on a free. Must be a relatively unknown young player or something.

Here's the lede:

"Transfer news: [Redacted] can leave Santos in 2014, when his contract expires"

Well, that could be Ganso, who has been linked to a move away. His star has fallen a bit, he might sign for Spurs. Maybe it's Felipe Anderson? He's a pretty great young player, and it wouldn't be shocking if Santos weren't going to make any money on him because of their weird third party ownership situations. Maybe it's Arouca? He's probably not good enough for Chelsea, but they really could use a good defensive midfielder that can play in a pivot. Or maybe it's their goalkeeper, Rafael? It's probably him. That would make the most sense.

Wait...does that actually say...?

Tottenham and Chelsea target Neymar will be allowed to leave Santos for free according to president Luis Alvaro de Oliveira Ribeiro.

TOTTENHAM TARGET NEYMAR?!?!?!?!?!!?

DASHF;FJADKJASFGHDASIFHASDLJFHASDOF /bangs head against keyboard

//BRAIN EXPLODES I AM DEAD BYE.

(You can thank the complete and utter melters at London 24 for this fine piece of journalism. Neymar would start for Barcelona tomorrow, good god.)

Star-divide

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