Hands Off Balls is my attempt to liveblog Spurs games from the perspective of an uninformed American soccer fan. That should be easy, because I AM an uninformed American soccer fan. Enjoy, and COYS

I kind of had to DVR this match because WIFE AND KIDS so instead of posting times like EST or whatever, I’ll be posting by match minute. Wait, that actually makes way more sense. Pretend you didn’t read the thing about DVR and time zones.

PREGAME SHOW: Everyone on the ebays seems to hate Eric Wynalda. I haven’t quite figured out why yet, other than maybe he’s a know-it-all and those glasses he wears really don’t suit him. He thinks Dempsey’s position is up top with Defoe apparently, which I, being a n00b soccer fan even kind of disagree with. Warren Barton reminds me of Merrill Hoge in that he wears 3 piece suits with giant tie knots. I’m hoping that’s as far as the comparison goes because Merrill Hoge is super annoying.

00:00 I’m not a huge fan of the black and grey away kit, but I’m assuming there’s some kind of historical significance attached to them so I’ll let it slide. They look like bad court jesters to me, though.

Is that Huddleston starting?

Glad to see BAE getting the start, too, hope he opens things up for Bale like we expect today.

Now would be a good time to point out that I have no idea what I’m talking about.

1’ Early corner to Leeds. They miss, but they’re pressing like crazy already. Huddleston boots one out of bounds.

2’ Just saw Friedel’s in goal. Yay? He’s got problems with the sun. Get that man some Horace Grant sport specs!

This field looks tiny.

6’ Just realized Sigurdsson is on the field, crossed one in. Clearly I paid attention to my lineups before the game. Shortly thereafter Dempsey kind of derps one across the front of the goal. Hit the ball, not the ground, Deuce!

8’ Aren’t horsecollar tackles illegal in like all sports except maybe rugby? Parker got faceplanted on a tackle by a big bald dude.

10’ Corner…Hudd sends a nice one in but Dempsey, WIDE OPEN, misses the header into the eighth row. Boo, but nice to see he’s so involved so early.

14’ Well that sucked. Leeds 1-0. Somebody on the right side blew it, and I think it was Naughton.

Guy who scored’s name was Varney. Does he have a buddy named Vern?

18’ Dempsey whiffs on another one. Come on, man!

19’ Benny rifles one into the tarp. Bull, ass, bass fiddle.

23’ For some reason the camera focuses on a homely looking girl for about 20 seconds. Brent Musberger didn’t voice any opinion on the issue.

26’ Diouf has the worst Mohawk I’ve ever seen. It’s like a linebeard but on his head. Meanwhile, Tottenham are kind of on their heels here. Not cool, guys, not cool.

29’ Dammit. Bale made a really nice run down the goal line and then whoever he passed it to in the goal box totally blew it over the crossbar. I’m sensing a theme here.

33’ Bale got beat on a hard run down the right. Don’t see that every day.

37’ Man, Leeds are a bunch of assholes. Fans are a lively bunch.


HT Well, that could have been better, could have been worse. Spurs are inefficient around goal, Leeds fans are kind of whiny but loud, and their side is getting after it.

Just saw QPR gave up four goals to MK Dons. LOLLERSKATES.

What is this silly song they’re playing before kickoff?

45’ Geez, an early corner to Leeds again, taken by Horrible Mohawk. Crisis averted, though.

49’ For God’s sake, that was terrible. 2-0 to Leeds. Caulker got beat like Tina Turner on that run.

51’ Just saw a guy in a Tennessee Titans toboggan. Weird.

55’ Byram loves blowing snot rockets. 2nd time I’ve seen that.


58’ Huddleston subbed out for Dembele and someone else I’ve never heard of. Obika. GET AFTER IT SPURS. Don’t know who else got taken out. Sigurdsson? Not his best match, I don't think

60’ – 94’ Baby got up and I had to feed him out of reach of the remote. Nothing particularly notable happened in this span of time other than Spurs lost the game, I saw a bald white guy covered in tattoos including one for Leeds on his forehead, Scott Parker lost his shit, and Leeds played kind of dirty, like their tiny field. Sucky result. Hopefully next time I do this Spurs win or I’ll have to consider my reasonable approach toward superstitions. COYS.

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