Tottenham Hotspur doomed against Newcastle

Julian Finney

Aareet darkness me aad marra.

Cast your mind back across the ages, back to the heady days of early 2012. It was a crisp February and it was good to be Spurs. Luka Modric and Gareth Bale were still here. Tottenham were near the top of the league. And Adele was at the top of the charts. Heady days. Then we beat Newcastle 5-0. An exhilarating win witnessed live by our own Brian Mechanick.

Niko scored. Benny scored. Adebayor scored and had approximately 40 assists. Louis Saha scored. Twice. In 2012. Admist rumors of Harry Redknapp being destined for England, the Tottenham faithful chanted loudly that they wanted him to stay as we beat Newcastle like a drum. Ah if only we could stop there.

See, Newcastle was the death of us. We thought we were world class and great. We thought we were so good we could get away with shit like starting Louis Saha. In the Premier League. IN 20 FUCKING 12.

Adebayor had such a good game that he used up his career alottage of talent in a single night and now we're boned and stuck with his contract.

Scott Parker decided that he'd had enough of winning football after seeing that dominant performance and probably sabotaged the team after that to avoid playing in the Champions League.

And I don't know this for a fact but I would guess that Rafael Van Der Vaart was so impressed by the football on display he questioned how anything could be that good, certainly not marriage.

And in the dugout, Harry Redknapp was so impressed with himself that he considered himself a world class manager capable of taking England back to international glory, something I'm pretty sure Gandalf and Dumbeldore couldn't do together. This is something I wouldn't care about all that much if it wasn't for the fact that it also convinced Harry that he could take off the rest of the season and let us piss away points like a leaky transmission. Oh but I can hear Ed you now, "You're being too hard on him, Skip. Sure he didn't rotate enough but it wasn't that bad." Well remember that must win game against Alex McLeish's Villa at the end of the season where we needed to win to control our destiny? We were down to ten men and need a win and in the 89th minute he subbed on Scott Parker. THAT's how disinterested this win made Harry.

So here we are once again, in a no win situation. We can lose, meaning we'll have to sit through an international break remembering a boring loss and watching replays of Daniel Sturridge scoring a goal off his elbow or something. Or we can win, meaning we'll have to sit through the international break knowing an epic collapse is coming and that we're just weeks away from our relegation to the Ottoman Empire's 4th division.


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