Happy Boxing Day Spursland! Oh joy, the day when myself (clearly) and the rest of the nobles give their servants the day off to celebrate the thing you made them work through the day before because god forbid we cook our own damn meals. Or so I assume, but decades and decades after the death of Queen Victoria and the Empire this is what we got. An orgy of football.
And if my American, no research at all doing, overly fed ass got that wrong... eh I don't care. LETS KICK SOME BALLS!!!!!
And now the "news"
Totally get that. I am personally the (head) assistant coach of my own high school's wrestling team, and if I get the call one day saying "the old man is stepping down and you're our guy" It's going to be tears, just irrational tears. It is important, I think, during this time of togetherness to reflect on the ties we share. We are one blood, one body, one tribe and Timmy is our leader. Congrats big Tim. You earned it brother.
Being the new Harry will require a significant weight gain in your facial features. Might I suggest eating a lot of ham. Now that I have shoehorned in that segway lets talk about papa Roosevelts and the purchase of a Christmas ham.
Three days before Christmas, my stepmother turned to my sister and father and said, "I need you to go buy the ham for the Christmas party". And off they went. They had instructions, go to the Giant to buy a non-honey glazed ham spiral cut if they could find it. They immediately went to Wegmans and struck out hard and called the Stepmom. She said, "Go to the fucking Giant" they said ok then hung up the phone and drove to Local market Groul's. They also struck out there so Papa called home and said they couldn't find one anywhere and I presume he said something like " I guess all the non-honey glazed hams are bought this close to Christmas".
What he defiantly did say was "i found a ham that will work". Now we had 20 people plus us coming over for Christmas Eve so you kind of need an 11-2 plus pound bone in ham. Now papa bought ...something, brought it home and then didn't pull the big reveal until basically the moment we needed to put the ham in the oven in order to have food for our guests. My father then produced a 4 pound deli meat ham. Like a no bone having deli amalgamation of ham ...parts I guess and gelatin that was pushed into a mold and called ham to be sliced into uniform strips and sold for sandwiches only in a deli. That's what was brought home. So in steps the closer from the bullpen "Jr Roosevelts" the step mom said "It's Christmas eve I need you to find me a ham come hell or high water. or worse your father's level of logic when it comes to things as simple as grocery shopping. I found a very nice ham immediately, at the Giant. I come from very smart stock.
So that thing you knew was going to happen happened. Much like I knew that something would go wrong with Christmas dinner because that happens every year at my house. It's our tradition. Twice we ran out of water and couldn't cook half our stuff (we live in the country and have a well and the water level was a little low and someone showered) and once the oven broke while the turkey was in the open so we had poultry sushi that year. And there have been a parade of things going wrong over the years. Almost usurping the ham incident this year was when my 14 year old cousin threatened to stab me over a card game, like a non gambling, only for fun card game. But alas we got off easy this year.
Just skip down to the story below this.
In my family men don't cry. It is taught at a young age that you just don't dry over the little things. Break ups? No crying. Sarah McGloughlin adopt a pet ad on TV? No crying. Since i was 12 i've cried twice until today. Once at my brother's funeral and once when I took the dog to be put down. Today I cried twice. I watched It's A Wonderful Life for the first time, and then I watched this. And to top off all that, John Terry seems like a genuinely good dude.