It has been a while. Is that a new bomber jacket?
No. Oh, well, it looks good anyway...
Nervous, no, I'm not nervous. It's just that your play has been worrying some of us lately.
Me? No, certainly not. I still have faith in you. I mean I remember how you singlehandedly organized the team at Anfield last year to gut out that draw. Certainly, the type of draw that Spurs are uniformly not known for. No Scott, I'll love you flaws and all; but, even you have to admit it: the squad has not been as fluid lately.
And I know it is not your fault that Sandro turned into a superhero while you were away, but some of the other lads are holding you to that standard now, and I don't want you to feel that burden. But more importantly, perhaps, is that I don't want E...pat...to feel that burden either. You see, every time you let loose an errant pass, or dribble into the teeth of the defense, the grumblings start. You should see the way he defends your honor, Scott; you really should! He is like a bull terrier in action, holding the detractors at bay. But it is hurting him, Scott. Maybe even killing him! He has been crying himself to sleep at nights, I just know it.
So, Scott, I beg of you: keep it simple. Be brave in your defending, bullish in your pressure, but prudent and pinpoint with your passing. You don't have to be anyone else; you are already our fearless (RAF) Captain! Be true to who you are and let us all love you, together, as pat already does--and forever will.