Gareth Bale is at Manchester United vs. Real Madrid, so let's panic

Jamie McDonald

Did you know that Gareth Bale lives in the United Kingdom and enjoys football?

I'm going to start these rumors before the papers have a chance: Gareth Bale is going to leave Tottenham Hotspur for Real Madrid or Manchester United. I know this because he is now the best player in the world, much better than Lionel Messi or Cristiano Ronaldo.

He's traveled to Manchester to take in the UEFA Champions League match between the Red Devils and Merengues, where he will inevitably meet with Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho. He will be promised hoards of beautiful young women, a palace with gold trim on everything and wages of over £500k per week if he moves to either club. In May, he will tell Daniel Levy that he never wants to play for Spurs again.

This is the end. This day was the turning point. We are about to lose our prized star, and our club will go down the toilet. Surely, there is no other reason that Bale would be in attendance at Old Trafford tonight.

(Or maybe he lives a couple hours from the stadium and likes big football matches and had enough money for a ticket.)

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Cartilage Free Captain

You must be a member of Cartilage Free Captain to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cartilage Free Captain. You should read them.

Join Cartilage Free Captain

You must be a member of Cartilage Free Captain to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cartilage Free Captain. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9353_tracker