I've spent the last two years crying about how we don't have a great center forward or depth at the position, declaring that we should sign literally anyone. I've wanted Grant Holt, Danny Graham, any average mid-level Premier League player just so we can have a warm body who wears No. 9 on his shirt.
And yet, here I am, telling you about strikers we've been linked to that I do not want. There are three guys we've already been linked to heavily this window that I really, really, really hope that we do not sign. Let's go through them one by one.
"He's 21 and he scored 22 goals this season," you exclaim, "that's impressive!" It was more impressive before he went 13 consecutive games without scoring. Vydra might still develop a complete game, but at the moment, he's a guy with pace, finishing, and not much else. His goals aren't exactly of the impressive variety, and if he's not scoring, he's doing nothing for his team. Save for the insane Leicester game, he's been crap since February.
Know how we complain about how little Jermain Defoe provides other than finishing? Vydra is an even more extreme version of that. Why does anyone think a pure poacher with an inch more height than Defoe is what Tottenham needs?
Holy hell, do I want this rumor to go away. Vucinic has spent most of his career playing as a left forward or as a second striker, rather than as a line-leading center forward. Late in Juventus' season, after they had the title all but wrapped up, they tried playing Vucinic as their forward highest up the pitch in an attempt to re-invigorate Sebstian Giovinco, then to incorporate Paul Pogba into the team. In the seven Serie A games that Vucinic played in this role, he scored one goal.
He's not a bad player, but this would be like if your spouse sent you to the store to buy a new microwave and you came back with a toaster.
I'm sure opinion will be most sharply divided here. I gave joke reasons for not wanting to sign Villa in an earlier post, but seriously, his name is the only reason to shell out significant money for him at this point. I think he can play as a center forward despite his lack of size because his movement and touch are so good, but he hasn't played the position regularly in a few years.
He's also 31 with a lot of miles on his legs and clearly on the decline. He hasn't been a good player since February of 2011. Why would we pay £10m for a guy with basically no resale value, except to an insane Middle Eastern club? I guess it's not the worst buy in the world if he's always had some dream to live and play in London and he wants to take cheap wages, but more likely than not, Villa's going to be on six-figure a week wages. Does anyone think that his output-plus-resale will make his transfer fee and wages worth it? It's an assumption bordering on ridiculous.
New requirements for a striker: Actually a striker, not really old, has attributes other than finishing