The Wire and The Masthead: An Exercise in Silly

This weekend was intense, both on the pitch and on the site. I for one accept this intensity, as it means Spurs are up to something. If we were all nonchalant about the end of the season, that could only mean we were sitting in the comfortably numb, midtable slots that Liverpool look so good in. But with this intensity often agitation follows. And as supporters of the same divine football club, Tottenham Hotspur, we would do well not to quibble over the small stuff; but the stakes are high, and we most assuredly will. So, in the event that things get too heavy, take a peek over here at what I refer to as "the silly". A mix of light ribbing with pop-culture spice meant to take our minds off of the tension. Hopefully you enjoy my attempt at lightening the mood before the anvil that is Wednesday's match comes to call. And now I present to you:

"The Masthead as Characters from The Wire"

Kevin:Avon Barksdale

Seriously, where is Kevin? Dude is too busy taking care of his business to be garnering the headlines, but rest assured he is the guy that got it all rolling, and he owns the streets. His minions are building him an empire and entertaining the hell out of us in the process.

Uncle Menno:Lester Freeman

They are both, how shall I say it, senior members of the crew. I mean Menno's so old he actually met Lord Baltimore, but I digress. Not only a lovable senior Menno, like Lester, is incredibly patient, and excels at his job with a style that stands out because of the crazies who he has to work amongst. Also, Menno keeps saying Auntie is a hottie; Lester didn't do too poorly either.

theroosevelts: Weebey

I don't know. They are both from BMore and if I get into any more fights in my life, I am pretty sure I want theroose--like Weebey, some old-fashioned muscle--there with me. theroose probably likes fish, too. Right?

Ryan Rosenblatt: Frank Sobotka

You know, ends up dead in the harbor. Which is like a ditch.

patrickfealty: Marlo Stanfield

Calculating and smart, Ed and Marlo have a toughness not immediately apparent (Marlo because of his quiet nature; Ed his adoracute accent) that allows them to rise to stardom in their chosen fields. Marlo: drug dealer. Ed: blogger extraordinaire. Marlo also tends to be awkward interpersonally, and while Ed is a great talker, his hands sure were awkward in that recent photo. Also, Ed had to be Marlo because of my next Masthead choice.

Lennon's Eyebrow: Omar Little

He has risen up from the Commentariat like Omar rose up from the streets to be something a little bit more. Something a bit fearsome, really. When they saw Omar coming, they dropped the stash. When LE comes for you in an argument, gird your loins. Also, Omar and Marlo were locked in an existential battle that had little economic relevance. As much as the show's duel was about Butchy, it was about not letting another get over on you. Welcome to the LE vs. Ed debates of 2013 everyone! Stay a while.

Bryan A.:Stringer Bell

Goes to school, knows better than most of us, and isn't afraid to let us know about it. However, given all his smarts he makes a crucial error. Like Stringer's soiree into real estate Bryan dabbled in something he had no business getting involved with (mustaches) and has paid a horrible price.

MCofA:One of Multiple Police Chiefs

Do you even have to ask? He jukes the stats, baby!


Wallace ended up in the country, far from the streets. Spooky has his own site, and doesn't write here anymore. Yeah, mismatches and shit.

The Sleeper's Sleep: Norman Wilson

Who?? Yes, Norman Wilson, Carcetti's omnipresent, if not reluctant, campaign manager. Almost always the smartest person in the room, he doesn't need to talk often to steal the scene, and frequently, he can scarcely believe the all encompassing circus he is somehow, in some cruel stroke, associated with.

Mechanick: "Herc" Haulk

Says shit in a funny accent that invariably makes others (Ashlock) roll eyes. However, quite lovable and probably a blast. The guy you most likely want to have a beer with. Sorry, Menno.

Nick Petrilli: One of the Rowhouse Bodies

Despite his triumphant return to the comments today, he remains MIA as a writer. He is "missing". He has "disappeared". Somebody get an Amber Alert going; I don't care if he is a grown-up.

*Now I know he is not masthead, but I would be remiss to not throw a shout to our own favorite site comedian and son of Baltimore:

Skipjack: Jay Landsman

The funniest in the room. It's their world, we are all just the straight-men/women. Bawlmore to the core.

Part II: "I am a real boy"

Hopefully this brought some fun to the table. If not, and you are still stressed, I'll include something else. In honor of Stevellieux's unveiling of his crazy beard and my upcoming one year anniversary on the site (I am totally making fun of the thread the other day) I thought I could contribute this. Remember, I am just a guy who will kiss a sandwich, and the rest of us are just as ridiculous. Don't let anyone bring you down if things get bad, but let's put all of that on hold if we can. The glory is waiting and we may just get some this year yet.

COYS! And may I add--COYMFS!

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