Dispatches from #batcountry is a daily series at Cartilage Free Captain where we examine ridiculous transfer rumors found on the internet and tell you why you shouldn't believe them. Why #batcountry? Because our own author The Sleeper's Sleep wrote a brilliant article last summer comparing the Silly Season™ to a scene from Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. It seemed appropriate.
This one' s a doozy, boys and girls. TalkSport today is all a-flutter with reports that 30-year old Paraguayan striker Oscar Cardoza, who plays for Benfica, "is poised to spurn interest from the Premier League to join Turkish side Fenerbahçe."
OH NO, THIS IS AWFUL! Spurs are going to miss out on signing a striker they're not even linked to! A footballer playing in Portugal is going to "spurn" the Premier League to play in Turkey! It's a Greek tragedy!
Okay, fine – Cardozo is a great striker, scoring 32 goals in all competitions for Benfica last year. He'd be a good addition to our side. But Spurs (and Everton, too) are only "linked" to Cardozo because we need a striker and because TalkSport says we're linked to Cardozo. There is literally zero indication that I can find of any concrete interest between Tottenham Hotspur and Oscar Cardozo. But I suppose Tottenham fans won't click on an article titled "Benfica player likely to sign with Fenerbahçe" unless their team is somewhere in the title.
Transfer rumors are dumb.