Gareth Bale is the new Luka Modric. A rising star in the Premier League, pursued by Real Madrid and Paris Saint-Germain, the lynchpin for Tottenham Hotspur. So it's no surprise that with Florentino Perez vowing to spend up to or over 85 million pounds on the player, that Luka Modric felt that he has the personal experience to speak about why Bale should come to Real Madrid. Something seemed off about the interview with Marca though. After a long night of research and analysis, I have finally deciphered, between the lines, what Modric is truly saying to Bale in this interview. Below is a scientific breakdown of Modric's true thoughts and feelings on this potential transfer, whittled down to a 97.6% accuracy rating.
"Since Madrid is the team of the galaxy, Bale would fit in perfectly, we could really use him."
When I joined Real Madrid, I thought galacticos was a real term. Florentino told me that Real Madrid is Alpha Centauri's futbol team. I am now aware this is not true. Bale would fit in perfectly as yet another highly priced, talented player for a team of prima donnas and headcases. We could really use him to secure second position in La Liga.
"He would give the team another dimension. His shot, his strength, his speed, his offensive power. He is the type of player who will help us take a step forward."
That dimension would be the same one that Ronaldo brings, except Cristiano is bored and petulant once again and Florentino is waiting for Monaco to bid stupid money for him. Bale though is a good replacement, and gives us almost the same dimension Ronaldo gave us.
"It is a complicated issue for me because I was with Tottenham."
Daniel Levy still has me banned from the premises.
"I can tell you we're friends and he is an exceptional player."
I can tell you this because the English papers say that we're friends and tell me that he is exceptional. Truthfully I was too busy wrestling bears with Niko to talk to him, and when I did it turns out I was talking to McEvoy.
"I guarantee it."
I know nothing.
"And whether the club is Real Madrid, Tottenham, or another, they can only win if they sign a player like that. If it is Real Madrid, it's better for us."
Gareth Bale is the missing piece keeping Real Madrid from winning more than one trophy in six seasons. Gareth Bale can do more than Ronaldo ever did. Did I mention Ronaldo is no longer the key cog in this team?
"Yeah, yeah. Of course Ronaldo will sign a new contract."
For the love of god Portugal, keep buying Ronaldo kits that will be obsolete in a few months.
"I have no doubt, I want to stay at the best club in the world."
Florentino says the world only extends to the Spanish border. Catalan not included. Turns out Croatia doesn't exist. Florentino says that if the team wins the Non-Catalan La Liga again this year, we all get Kool-Aid as a reward!
"For me, it is a privilege to be here."
The absolute backing of BBVA allows Florentino to treat us like chattel. He told me if i don't have double digit assists, I'm being sold to whatever club Tony Pulis shows up at.
"I want to show a lot more in the future and I would not consider anything other than white to continue next season."
For the love of god Daniel, I'm sorry. Take me back for 35k a week, I don't care. Florentino doesn't tuck me in like you did Daniel. He won't even read me my favorite bedtime story, like you would. Please tell me if Robb Stark became the King of Westeros.