Stoke City after former Spur David Bentley? INCONCEIVABLE!

Goodbye, David! Have fun storming the Brittania! - Shaun Botterill

New Potters boss Mark Hughes wants to bring David Bentley to the Pit of Despair.

Pity poor David Bentley. A former "next David Beckham," the winger signed with Tottenham Hotspur for a then-record £16m in 2008 after a very good season with Blackburn Rovers. And things just went catastrophically downhill afterwards. If there's such a thing as a cautionary tale, it's the tale of poor, misunderstood David Bentley. A soft-hearted misunderstood titan with sub-standard who paraded around in his underwear, his Spurs career was burdened by Damien Comolli's misguided record bid, and his downfall is encapsulated in dramatic fashion in the cinematic distillation below:

SCENE:
The Cliffs of Relegation. David Bentley is carrying Daniel Levy, the team, £16m, and two points (in eight games). He is desperately trying to climb the table. Below them, the Dread Pirate Gareth is emerging from the reserve squad and inching toward him and the first team.

Daniel Levy:
(shrieking)
PLAY BETTER!

David Bentley:
I thought I was playing better!

Levy:
You were SUPPOSED to be this colossus! You were this great legendary thing! And yet he gains.

Bentley:
Well, I'm carrying the impossibly high expectations of a record transfer bid and that amazing goal versus Arsenal. And he can't even win when he's in the side.

Levy:
(cutting through)
-- I do not accept excuses.
(shaking head)
I'm just going to have to find a new winger, that's all.

Bentley:
(hurt)
Don't say that, Daniel. Please!

Levy:
Did I make it clear that your JOB is at stake?

And his legs begin to move much more slowly.

SCENE

I'd like to say that Bentley went on to heroic deeds, rescuing Sylvie Van der Vaart and finding white horses in which to ride off into the sunset. But this isn't a fairy tale. Instead, he was released this summer and now new Stoke City boss Mark Hughes is supposedly interested in signing him because what is a Mark Hughes team without a failed overpaid player with nice hair?

I don't mean to pile on poor Messr. Bentley. Obviously we're thrilled that he's moved on to greener (ha!) pastures and is no longer a drag on our wage bill. But we'll always have the Arsenal match. And because this is Tottenham and we can't have nice things, we can now watch with mouths agape as David Bentley regains his form with the Potters next season (assuming he signs, of course, this is a transfer rumor after all) and puts two past Hugo Lloris in late April to ensure that we finish behind Arsenal in fifth place once again. FUCHT.

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