"THE" is 6'1 and 180 pounds
"THE" is a big, strong number 9 who can hold the ball up and link
"THE" is a clinical finisher, with his head and his feet
"THE" is in his early twenties, still barely scratching the surface of his potential
"THE" plays in a second-tier, but still well-regarded league
"THE" shares a fluent language with our manager
"THE" was a star in his country's youth ranks
"THE" has a fellow countrymen playing in our current midfield
"THE" doesn't have the greatest work-rate, but one would think that would improve with age
"THE" scored bags of goals last season for fun
Is "THE" Leandro Damião? Hardly.
"THE" is younger, £11million cheaper, and far less likely to be tread on.
"THE" is Jozy Altidore