Monday morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for July 22, 2013

Ian Walton

Daily Tottenham Hotspur links, today on Roberto Soldado, Gareth Bale, Gomes and Stoke.

Happy Monday Spursland! Oh what a whirlwind weekend my pretties. We have a new winger, in the wings, because that's where they go dummy. And as I was going to say on Wheeler Dealer Radio yesterday before I abruptly canceled at the last minute in favor of making corn salsa, it is now clear that the team is in the midst of a massive change. We all know what is coming: The 4-3-3.

Now we all were disappointed last week when "The New "The"" spurned our advances for a pay raise and to remain in purgatory. But now I think I have this figured out the we have signed the "Next New "The"". We signed him on May 25th, 2007. You may know him, he runs fast, often sports bright tape on his body and has an atrocious fashion sense. Gareth Bale is the Next New "The", The One We Already Had, and who Harry Redknapp, who tried to keep him at left back, tried to ruin.

New Madrid Boss Refuses To Speculate On Bale-Sky sports

Well, duh. He is the Next New "The" The One We Already Had, and we aren't just going to let him leave.

Spurs Preparing Record Bid For Soldado-Express

Um, someone didn't get the memo about how aggressively I committed to that new and clearly excessive name.

Gomes Says He Can Leave On A Free-Sambafoot

He has year left on his contract so that would be odd.

Chelsea Rumored To Be In For Spoiled Croatian Teen-We Ain't Got No History

I fully understand why Spurs told this kid and his family to get lost. The rumors of his demands were crazy. High wages, private schooling for his two siblings paid for by the team and a big ass house. I get it that is crazy demanding, but I still hate this. And I don't mean I hate this in a tween "why are all you twitter haters hating on T-swift #red" I mean it in a "My ex husband ran off with my best friend, won full custody of the kids and now I pay him alimony" kind of way. It is real hate.

Stoke To Offer Free Travel To All Away Games For Fans-SB Nation Soccer

That is awesome, and also a shrewd financial move, because who really wants to drive themselves to watch Stoke?

5 Goals For America-Stars And Stripes FC

That'll do.

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