Things that Sky Sports understands

Christopher Lee

There are many uncertainties in life, but one certainty, at least in football, is that Sky Sports understands.

In a footballing world where wonderment and confusion reign supreme, there is only one shining beacon of understanding. A beacon who's understanding is so brilliant, so all encompassing that they transcend the boundaries of sport itself. That beacon is...Sky Sports

Sky Sports understands that Roberto Soldado will arrive in London via canoe, as demanded by Daniel Levy.

Sky Sports understands that Harry Redknapp will be holding a press conference to discuss new Spurs signing Soldado

Sky Sports also understands the aforementioned press conference will take place from Harry's Range Rover.

Sky Sports understands that Gareth Bale will arrive at the Bernabeu dressed as Franco's ghost.

Sky Sports understands that Scott Parker will not participate in the final two Spurs friendlies due to his participation in the air strike against Berlin.

Sky Sports understands that Victor Moses is better than Gareth Bale.

Sky Sports understands that Leandro Damiao is never leaving Brazil. Ever.

Sky Sports understands what Jamie Carragher is saying.

Sky Sports understands that David Luiz is afraid of rakes.

Sky Sports understands that Steven Caulker is not returning Ed's phone calls.

Sky Sports understands that Peter Odemwingie might be making another break for it, so keep your stadium doors locked.

Sky Sports understands that the placement of ads for Sky Bet in an article on Andros Townsend is both ironic and hilarious.

Sky Sports understands Alan Hutton. Fucking liars.

Sky Sports understands cricket, apparently, but the rest of the fucking world sure doesn't.

Sky Sports understands that it was a rhetorical device made for television, but still really wants to know what names were in Brendan Rodger's envelopes.

Sky Sports understands that tomatoes are a fruit, though they may seem like a vegetable.

Sky Sports understands the trend of putting fried eggs on everything, but is a bit over it at this point.

Sky Sports understands that Gossip Girl is better than One Tree Hill.

Sky Sports understands that TNT knows drama.

Sky Sports understands Miley Cyrus is not Hannah Montana.

Sky Sports understands that it's tough working two jobs to support ungrateful children.

Sky Sports understands its limitations.

Sky Sports understands that going to law school seemed like a good idea at the time, and is sorry that didn't work out for you.

Sky Sports understands that the job market is tough, but would appreciate it if you stopped using your free time to touch yourself to thoughts of Natalie Sawyer.

Sky Sports understands that Parents Just Don't Understand.

Sky Sports understands French, but cannot speak it.

Sky Sports understands Fermat's Last Theorem.

Sky Sports understands why you were late, but just wants you to call ahead next time so that this whole mess could be avoided.

Sky Sports understands that it is not in UNDERSTANDING that we understand, but in standing under our understanding so that we may understand how we stand.

Sky Sports understands women.

You're hurting. Sky Sports can see that. Sky Sports understands.

The above was a collaborative effort on the part of myself (Bryan A.), Ryan Rosenblatt, Lennon's Eyebrow (with SkipJack ghostwriting), Uncle Menno, theroosevelts, The Sleeper's Sleep, and MCofA.

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