FIFA's conspiracy to destroy Tottenham Hotspur's roster with nagging injuries that will ruin our players' health over the course of the season continues this week with a set of international friendlies that no one particularly enjoys.
Tottenham's speed force joins the England squad, as Jermain Defoe and Kyle Walker take on Scotland in a game which is sure to go down in the history of football as a game that was played between two teams.
Nacer Chadli, Mousa Dembele, and Jan Vertonghen will be joining Tottenham Belgespur to take on France and Spurs keeper Hugo Lloris in a Beer vs. Wine derby. Although Mousa and Jan will not be playing, I expect them to represent Team Beer with pride.
Gareth Bale will be joining the Wales national team for their match against the Republic of Ireland. Due to his foot injury, instead of playing, he will be conducting secret contract negotiations to make his dream move to become Real Madrid's Astronaut Dinosaur a reality.
Gylfi Sigurdson will probably be throwing his karma completely out of whack with the Iceland squad by completely beating the crap out of the Faroe Islands.
And just in case you were looking for a bright spot on this international date, we have a player who is a starter for the Brazilian national team. Which is totally awesome. Paulinho will be wrecking dudes in the midfield for Brazil against Switzerland.
Stay healthy you guys and watch out for Charlie Adam.