Good morning Spursland! There is now only a mere three days left until the event we've all been waiting for, Tottenham's season opener against Crystal Palace. As optimism slowly blooms into life like stop-motion footage of a chrysanthemum and that twinge of excitement starts to take hold, and as I also exploit management of the Hoddle to insidiously inflict a little of my music taste on you all, I'd like to remind everyone that (AWKWARD SEGUE KLAXON) while Spurs walk the greasy tightrope towards top four glory, keep your heads up and don't look down.
And now the "news"
I'm sure his work rate and distribution are electric and all, but the thing that excites me the most about this move is the prospect of hearing the fascinating ways in which Jamie Carragher decides to butcher the pronunciation of his name.
Yeah, yeah, that's nice and everything, but does he run the channels and score goals by falling over on to the ball? Didn't think so. #AdeIn
Proof that experience and maturity triumphs time and time again over youthful exuberance and stamina. Somewhere out there, Menno is asking someone to help him give a thumbs up to this statement.
Sky Sports understands that first choice target Sandra Redknapp turned down a move after failing to reach an agreement on seasonal landmark goal bonuses and a release clause.
Oh, Dirk. You're just so good at being in trouble.
I'd be sure check at the very back of the cupboard, or possibly in the hole behind the striker. In any case, don't let him slip away while you're left down with your demons.
Yes, "the Blues". That's Chelsea as I've always known them. At least the number of letters is correct.