Tottenham doomed to lose to Swansea

Crap. We're boned. - Stu Forster

Hello wales, my old friend

Last weekend, Spurs somehow managed to eke out three points against Crystal Palace. God only knows how. It surprised me. It surprised you. It sure as hell surprised Gareth Bale.

You know Gareth Bale. Great player from Wales. Doesn't want to play for us anymore.

We've all been coming to terms with his desire to leave us. I've been doing it with Hagen Das, a fifth of vodka, and the local red light district. But none of these things can fill the big-eared, muscular thighed hole in my heart. We loved him at Milan, we loved him against City and now he's broken our lilywhite hearts.

This weekend we face a cruel opponent from the land of our heartbreak, as they arrive at the lane to rub his departure in our faces. Normally I'd say we have a chance, but really, we don't.

We'll hear the dulcet tones of their native Wales, lilting across the field and all our players will be able to do is think of the Welshman who spurned us for the sunny fields of Iberia. Our heart will not be in it and Swansea will pass their way through us. While our midfield is busy crying into their phones, seeking reassurance from their mothers that they'll be alright once Bale's left, Michu will get revenge on Hugo Lloris and clothesline him on his way to his hat trick.

We may have had a chance once upon a time, but Wales have left us a barren shell of a club. On Sunday they will finish the job.

Rest in Peace Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. It was nice Welshing you.

Not a member? Join Cartilage Free Captain and start commenting | Follow @CartilageFree on Twitter | Like Cartilage Free Captain on Facebook | Subscribe to our RSS feed

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Cartilage Free Captain

You must be a member of Cartilage Free Captain to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cartilage Free Captain. You should read them.

Join Cartilage Free Captain

You must be a member of Cartilage Free Captain to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cartilage Free Captain. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9353_tracker