Tottenham Hotspur vs. Norwich City: Player ratings to the theme of Fast and Furious Movies

Jamie McDonald

Here's a look at how Tottenham's players performed against Norwich to the theme of everyone's favorite guilty pleasure movies about cars and stealing stuff.

Tottenham Hotspur returned from the long and tedious international break and defeated Norwich City 2-0. The game featured two open play goals, both of which came from Icelandic midfielder Gylfi Sigurdsson. Everyone played really really well, so this will probably be a pretty top heavy post.

If you're new to these posts, we set player ratings to a different theme after each game. This edition of player ratings is set to the theme of ... Fast and Furious movies! I apologize if your favorite isn't listed, there are seven of them and we only have 5 stars.

5 Stars - The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift

Sure, this movie has some flaws, namely that it features Lil' Bow-Wow. However, it also has some big strengths. It's the only one of the movies that is actually about racing and not some stupid Point Break knock-off. Also, I don't have to watch Paul Walker attempt to act for two hours. Lucas Black is actually decent and there's a fun Zachery Ty Bryan cameo at the beginning.

Christian Eriksen - He was our Man of the Match, so obviously he gets five stars. He made this team go and was the driving creative force for the team.

Gylfi Sigurdsson - He scored two goals. So he obviously gets five stars.

Danny Rose - The best game that Rose has ever played in a Spurs shirt (including his debut). Rose had 109 touches and completed 92% of his passes. He also made three tackles and interceptions. Great all-around performance.

Jan Vertonghen - The Belgian defender had three interceptions and seven effective clearances. He also completed 91% of his passes including seven accurate long balls. Didn't put a foot wrong all day.

Mousa Dembele - You know why Dembele gets five stars? It's because he made five key passes. His performance went a little under the radar, but he was absolutely stellar in the pivot.

4 Stars - Fast Five

The Rock and Vin Disel both in one movie! In Brazil! For the fight scene between Dom and Hobbs alone this movie is worth four stars. The return of the series' most annoying character, Vince, isn't exactly great for the movie, but the ensemble cast is pretty strong and aside from the whole "dragging a safe through the streets of Rio" thing the ending is pretty satisfactory.

Paulinho - His great cross lead to the goal, but all in all he was less influential on the game than Dembele. He turned the ball over four times, but made a few good tackles and interceptions.

Roberto Soldado - No goals for the Spanish striker, but his excellent trap and pass led to the first goal. His movement was outstanding and he almost scored an amazing backheel goal.

Kyle Walker - This was probably the worst performance we've seen  from Kyle Walker in a while and he still wasn't that bad. 5 key passes, 98 total passes (86% completion rate), and some good work on the overlap. He got a lot of stick in the media, but he played pretty well.

3 Stars - The Fast and the Furoious

It's the original and they made 6 more, so this one can't be all bad. The plot is alright, but it's ruined because Paul Walker talks to much. The blind acceptance of Brian by Dom makes absolutely no sense, but the culminating scene where the two race the train is pretty awesome.

Andros Townsend - Lots of other areas of the internet have him rated very highly because he did lots of dribbling and took NINE SHOTS! NINE! That's too many. Maybe if they were nine awesome and dangerous shots, but the ones that were on goal were pretty easy saves. More passing less shooting, please.

Michael Dawson - We all love Daws, but he's looked a bit slow this season. I don't know what's going on. He still does a good job on the ball, but he's gotten lost in defense a bit too much.

2 Stars - Fast & Furious 6

It's the highest grossing film in the series to date, but god is this movie a clusterfuck of suck. At this point people shouldn't expect great plots from these movies, but the series has become a parody of itself. The tank chase scene? Really? The acting in this one is by far the worst of any of the films so far, but at least Letty was back, right?

Hugo Lloris - Apparently Hugo battled illness over the international break and had a stinker in Bulgaria. He came back and looked a little iffy at times. There were some major WTF moments from Hugo in this match.

Lewis Holtby - Of all the subs he had the most time to impress, but he failed to do so. Maybe it's because Eriksen was so good, but Holtby looked really poor. He completed 12 of 18 passes and was dispossessed three times. Not a good showing, Lewis.

Sandro - The Brazilian didn't do anything good or bad. He had 11 touches, completed all 9 of his passes and generally looked ok. He didn't make any tackles or interceptions though. However, he really only had about 13 minutes of time on the pitch.

Erik Lamela - I thought he should have been brought on much earlier for Townsend, but he didn't appear until the 83' (probably due to jet lag from the international break) and didn't do much on the pitch.

1 Star - 2 Fast 2 Furious

For the title alone this is the worst movie in the series. This movie has the most Paul Walker of any movie in the series, which obviously means it sucked. Tyrese Gibson attempted to act in it too. The only redeeming thing about this movie was Eva Mendes' pencil skirts. Yeah, the skirts were better than her acting.

None of our players were as bad a 2 Fast 2 Furious.

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