Good morning Spursland! Theroosevelts continues to be without his laptop after it was
confiscated by the grammar police decommissioned by a coffee incident, so you've got me standing in again today. I've decided that every replacement Hoddle I deliver from this day forth will have a theme to play whilst you read through, so please enjoy the below whilst you thoroughly peruse through the carefully-sourced links I've provid-... ah, that sentence isn't even worth finishing.
Theme for the day inspired by Lennon's Eyebrow claiming in the CFC Writer's Room that he'd found a spider .gif worse than Voltron Spider, causing Menno to instinctively contract into a foetal ball.
Cage The Elephant Spiderhead (Melophobia) (via jibe356)
And now the "news"
This event looks a lot less of a storm in a teacup when you learn that it was Ade's lucky 'Andre Villas-Boo'as' novelty hat.
I know Theo, footballers continuing to play out matches that a declining number of people can attend whilst accumulating exponential personal wealth is pretty unjustifiable in this climate of fragile global economic recovery from crippling recession. How socially conscientious of you.
I'd actually argue that your top priority is putting pressure on the kit designers to come up with something that looks more like a tiger and less like a boiled sweet peeled off the back of a radiator.
Simon, it's been a pleasure knowing you over the years. Daniel Levy would like to personally thank you in particular for never releasing those compromising photos to the press before your departure.
This article doesn't really specify what said insult was, but I imagine if Clattenburg was going deep he'd remind Lallana how many caps he's earned in his career compared to Shaun Wright-Phillips.
Five more months of very slow-moving football. And that, my friends, is why they call me 'Magic 8 Ball'.