ENIC Out: The search for new owners

Mike Hewitt

We all want ENIC out, but who could possibly replace them?

Daniel Levy and his ENIC cronies have spent the past decade lying to supporters and running the club into the ground, and it's time to send them packing. These so-called billionaires have refused to back manager after manager, and despite making endless promises they have yet to deliver quality players and a new stadium. Like Arsene Wenger's jacket, deep pockets are no good if you can't get your hand in there.

Since Joe Lewis only cares about Spurs to the extent we can fund his next yacht, we need an owner who will put the team first, whatever the cost to his bottom line. But who's available to take over our beloved club?

While most of you may be able to recommend an up-and-coming striker from Serie A or a managerial prodigy from Germany when we need one, the average supporter doesn't know much about the world's billionaires and their club-buying proclivities.

Lucky for you, we here at Carty Free Cappy have done the leg work to find the perfect sugar daddy we as fans should be courting to take our club to the next level.

The Oil Baron

Name: Jed Clampett

Estimated Net Worth: $9.8 Billion

Pros: Though his rags turned to riches, he's still down to earth and remembers where he came from. He's in touch with the common man and won't take advantage of the supporters to line his own pockets.

Cons: Like any American, can he ever really understand football? He struggled to adapt to life in Beverly Hills, how would he fare all the way across the pond?

The Real Estate Tycoon

Name: Rich "Uncle" Pennybags

Estimated Net Worth: $2.5 Billion

Pros: Once he builds a few houses and hotels in the neighborhood, a new stadium won't be too far behind.

Cons: Frequent violator of anti-trust laws, and the threat of going to jail always looms overhead.

The Media Mogul

Name: Charles Foster Kane

Estimated Net Worth: $8.3 Billion

Pros: Fleet Street hatchet jobs will be a thing of the past, and not even the Daily Fail will dare to cross Spurs with Kane in charge.

Cons: Harbors a secret passion for racing a sled in the Dakar Rally and may abandon the club to pursue his childhood dream.

The Industrialist

Name: Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks

Estimated Net Worth: $36.2 Billion

Pros: Developed a vast global network during the war, with contacts in untapped markets like India.

Cons: Penchant for taking in orphaned strays could lead to a team full of Nicolas Anelkas.

The War Profiteer

Name: Tywin Lannister

Estimated Net Worth: $2.1 Billion

Pros: Always pays his debts.

Cons: With his grandson running the family business these days, Spurs managers could be headed for the axe with alarming frequency.

The Aristocrat

Name: Robert Crawley, Lord Grantham

Estimated Net Worth: $1.1 Billion

Pros: Strong sense of duty and will run the club with utmost devotion.

Cons: Unfamiliar with concept of "weekend" and may miss most games. Tendency to make poor investment decisions and could bankrupt the club buying Jozy Altidore.

The Penny Pincher

Name: Scrooge McDuck

Estimated Net Worth: $65.4 Billion

Pros: Might solve a mystery. Or rewrite history.

Cons: May withhold transfer funds for swimming purposes.

The Dragon

Name: Smaug

Estimated Net Worth: $62 Billion

Pros: He's a dragon.

Cons: He's a dragon.

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