Happy Monday, Spursland! Hey, we played another top tier side in the FA's premier cup competition this weekend, and nobody got to see it because the FA apparently doesn't like making money or trying to provide content for its fans. Oh, and remember that while the organization might appear on paper as the FA, it is pronounced as (fart noise).
And now the "news"
Kane's New Deal For 35k Per Week?- Telegraph
Are you kidding me? The new contract he signed after a half a season with how many goals in it? £35k a week is how you ward of the bigger sharks looking to snap him up?
Vorm Gutted Over Blunder- Sky Sports
By all accounts (seriously fuck you, FA) Vorm made three amazing saves followed by allowing one goal in by butterfingersing it up. Remind you of anyone? #gomesforever
Riquelme Retired, And That Is The Worst- SB Nation Soccer
Sing it with me kids -- don't go awayyyyyyyy.
Brendan Rogers Does Not Know How Balotelli Plays- SB Nation Soccer
How far away are we from the bottom of the Rogers is a crazy manager rabbit hole? Like are we going to find out he is doing key bumps in the toilet during halftime then running into the changing room naked and shouting about Jose Mourinho? Maybe.
Royal Rumble Coverage- Cageside Seats
As of this writing, it hasn't happened yet, but any outcome that isn't Ambrose, Bryan, or Ziggler winning is bullshit.
Prediction: Roman Reigns wins, eliminating 25 people then Vince makes Ziggler Lick Roman's bare feet while being accused of being full of succotash. Because that's sports ENTERTAINMENT.