Dispatches from #batcountry

#Batcountry: AVB's poaching everyone

Andre Villas-Boas now manages Zenit St. Petersburg, who have money and may make Champions League. Let the fun begin.

#Batcountry: And now for some Chadli hilarity

Nacer Chadli is linked to Liverpool because lol transfer deadline day.

#Batcountry: Some Kyle Walker nonsense

Even for #batcountry and Mike Ashley's rumor mill, this is something.

#batcountry: Marco Reus a Spurs summer target

Marco Reus in Lilywhite! SWOOOOOOON! But it probably won't happen.

#Batcountry: Just sign all the old guys

Dear god, Tottenham Hotspur are not going to sign Wesley Sneijder or Andrea Pirlo. Stop.

#Batcountry: Sandro and the rags

How does this get printed anywhere?

Dembele isn't actually asking out

This is a story because it's international break and everyone is bored.

#Batcountry: Lavezzi is not 'out of favor'

No, Ezequiel Lavezzi is no longer a huge star at Paris Saint-Germain, but he's still a very useful player who's getting used often.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Spurs in for Mata?

Juan Mata is out of favor at Mourinho's Chelsea. Could he be in line for a move to north London?

#Batcountry: Di Marzio says everyone's in Madrid

Things have just gotten downright crazy. Where in the world is Franco Baldini?

Yahoo-baseball

#Batcountry: Bale will never wear the shirt again

It was already super #batcountry, but a paywall followed by stolen quotes from behind a paywall make it even better.

#batcountry: United bidding for Bale

Manchester United may have/many not have placed/are placing/will place a bid for Gareth Bale. But don't worry about it, because it's never going to happen.

#batcountry: Coentrao asks to leave Madrid

Perhaps those Fabio Coentrao rumors have legs.

#batcountry: Barcelona bidding for Jan Vertonghen

Someone says that someone else is reporting that Barcelona are TOTALLY BIDDING for Jan Vertonghen. It's TRUE! I read about it on Twitter!

#batcountry: Blanc thinks we want Cabaye

I'm not really sure how he would know that, but whatever.

#batcountry: Ceballos to ... Bulgaria?!?

Go ahead and figure this one out. If it's not nonsense, it sure is interesting.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Suarez? What?

What the heck? You've gone and done it now, internet.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Garbageman's Blues

Clint Dempsey is on a plane. That plane will presumably land somewhere. LET THE MADCAP SPECULATION BEGIN!

#BatCountry: Chelsea to bid for Walker

Chelsea are always in the business of buying players they do not need, but buying Kyle Walker from Spurs seems ludicrous.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Deulofeu on loan?

Spurs have been linked to Barca youth Gerard Deulofeu, which is awesome, but it's just for a non-buying loan so it's dumb.

Dispatches from #batcountry: MARCA can read minds!

MARCA writers apparently have the gift of precognition, as they peered into the mind of Gareth Bale to predict his impending move to Madrid.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Utd. should sign Bale

Mickey Thomas thinks that Manchester United should sign Gareth Bale. In other fantasy news, I would like free craft beer for the rest of my life and a bunch of Google stock. And a pony.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Danny Welbeck loan?

A report says that Danny Welbeck could be on his way to Spurs on loan. Great idea... but check out the source.

Dispatches from #batcountry: No Cardozo for Spurs

According to a dumb report, Spurs are set to "miss out" on a striker we're not even linked to.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Spurs in for Osvaldo?

Tottenham needs a striker. Pablo Osvaldo is a striker. Therefore, Tottenham Hotspur is linked to Pablo Osvaldo.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Mario Gomez for £7m

Somehow we're supposed to believe that Bayern will let Mario Gomez go to Tottenham for £7m.

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