Dispatches from #batcountry

#BatCountry: Chelsea to bid for Walker

126

Chelsea are always in the business of buying players they do not need, but buying Kyle Walker from Spurs seems ludicrous.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Deulofeu on loan?

28

Spurs have been linked to Barca youth Gerard Deulofeu, which is awesome, but it's just for a non-buying loan so it's dumb.

Dispatches from #batcountry: MARCA can read minds!

20

MARCA writers apparently have the gift of precognition, as they peered into the mind of Gareth Bale to predict his impending move to Madrid.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Utd. should sign Bale

11

Mickey Thomas thinks that Manchester United should sign Gareth Bale. In other fantasy news, I would like free craft beer for the rest of my life and a bunch of Google stock. And a pony.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Danny Welbeck loan?

26

A report says that Danny Welbeck could be on his way to Spurs on loan. Great idea... but check out the source.

Dispatches from #batcountry: No Cardozo for Spurs

28

According to a dumb report, Spurs are set to "miss out" on a striker we're not even linked to.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Spurs in for Osvaldo?

6

Tottenham needs a striker. Pablo Osvaldo is a striker. Therefore, Tottenham Hotspur is linked to Pablo Osvaldo.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Mario Gomez for £7m

41

Somehow we're supposed to believe that Bayern will let Mario Gomez go to Tottenham for £7m.

Dispatches from #batcountry: Targets not leaving

17

Two reports have dampened hopes on a Jackson Martinez or Roberto Soldado transfer to Spurs. But ultimately, these reports don't mean anything at all.

Dispatches from #batcountry: £100m for Gareth Bale

32

The Metro reports that Florentino Perez is willing to pay Tottenham £100m for Gareth Bale's services, views it as "an investment." Holy moly, that's a lot of money, but is it true? Doubtful.

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