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Someone Has To Play Right Wing, Rafa

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If the quotes attributed to this man are his actual words, he is a moron.
If the quotes attributed to this man are his actual words, he is a moron.

Following Tottenham Hotspur's North London Derby win over Arsenal, Rafael van der Vaart reportedly had some not so nice things to say about Harry Redknapp's tactical decisions. Reportedly, he isn't particularly happy with Redknapp's decision to play him on the right wing instead of centrally and behind a striker, the position that best suits his talents. That's okay, Rafa. We all agree. You are better as a central attacking midfielder/second striker than you are as a right midfielder. Everyone on Earth knows this, including Harry Redknapp.

The source of VDV's quotes is supposedly the Daily Star. The Star is a rag and is not particularly reputable, as is evidenced by the stupid Brek Shea rumors. However, Rafa's quotes in the Star have been re-produced by the TelegraphAFPESPN, and the Daily Mail. I am going to go ahead and assume that, if all of those publications re-produced the quotes, the words printed actually came out of Rafael van der Vaart's mouth. The quotes provided are lengthy enough that it is highly unlikely that Rafa's words were taken out of context.

These two facts - that the quotes have been reproduced and that there are a lot of quotes - are extremely important. I would not feel comfortable commenting on Rafa's remarks of these two things were not true. Cursing after the jump.

Seeing as the quotes have been re-printed on numerous reliable or semi-reliable outlets and there are enough words to assume that Rafa's words were not taken out of context, I feel completely comfortable ripping Rafa a new asshole for saying all kinds of stupid and selfish bullshit.    

So, here's the rubbish that came out of Rafa's mouth.

"I have definitely had a series of irritations. You want to play in the position where you do best.

"But if I have to chase after an attacking full-back every time, I can't play my own game to my best ability.

"Sunday was not the first time I have played out wide and I was given the freedom to move infield. But you could see from the goal I scored that my strength lies in the centre of midfield.

"It proves that I am more dangerous when I am close to the goal than when I play out on the wing. I do what the manager asks me to but I hope this won't be a regular occurrence."

Apparently, Rafa is unaware that our other two right midfielders are injured. Aaron Lennon and Steven Pienaar are not fit. Giovani dos Santos, like Rafa, plays his best in the hole and is out of position and asked to do too much defensive work when he plays on the right. Luka Modric can play on the right, but Rafa sure as hell isn't going to like doing as much defensive work as Luka does in the center of the pitch. We've tried Niko Krancjar, and he wasn't good enough.

We all know you're better playing centrally off the shoulder of a striker, dumbass. Of course you're more dangerous when you're closer to the goal. But someone has to play on the right wing, you selfish prick. Literally every single fucking fit player in the team is better in some other position than they are on the right wing, you complete fucking imbecile. Do you propose we invent a new formation where no one plays on the right side of midfield? Or do you think we should just rub some horse placenta on Lennon and hope he magically becomes 90 minutes fit?

I especially liked this line.

"I do what the manager asks me to but I hope this won't be a regular occurrence."

If you keep talking like this, playing on the right wing won't be a regular occurrence. Know why? Because you won't be in the fucking team. If Aaron Lennon and Steven Pienaar were both fit and Rafa was played on the right, he might have a point. But they're not, so he doesn't. He's just being a cock.

I sincerely hope that these quotes are completely fabricated and that Rafael van der Vaart never said anything resembling the words above. I really, really, really don't want one of our best players to be a world-class douchebag.

/rant. COYS.