I felt compelled to write something for this site. Why? Because this site needs content and because I am bored. Then I realized that all the things worth writing about are not Tottenham Hotspur related. There's this whole Poppy ban from FIFA, there's the Penn State ordeal, and well that's pretty much it.
What could I possibly have to talk about with regard to Tottenham Hotspur? So, I decided to go back through the mailbags from Wheeler Dealer Radio and answer some questions that Kevin, Brian, and I didn't get to on the show. This should be fun, right?
Describe the Ashstache after 4 days. What flavor of pudding most resembles its color?
It's been more than 4 days now, but after 10 days it's pretty pathetic. At this rate I MAY have a mustache by the end of the month. It's pretty ugly. What flavor of pudding does it most resemble? This is a very odd question. My facial hair is dark. So, chocolate. But it's darker than that. So maybe more like those Dark Chocolate Decadence things.
More Questions After The Jump
If you were remaking the movie Escape to Victory, which footballers would you have making cameos in the movie? More specifically, who would play Pele and Bobby Moore’s parts?
Ok, let's be clear here. There are 4 important-ish footballers in this movie, which most Americans may know solely as "Victory". They are Pele, Bobby More, John Wark, and Tottenham's own Ossie Ardiles. I think any movie made about football, in the current day and age, has to include Vinnie Jones. So he takes the place of Wark.
Pele was 41 at the time this movie was released and he was, by no means, at the top of his game. My initial thought was to include Lionel Messi, but I think I would use Zinedine Zidane. I know they play different positions, but Zidane is one of the best attacking talents of the modern era and he's been in movies before (peep his IMDB page).
Bobby Moore was perhaps one of the greatest defenders to ever play and he was English. Unfortunately he spent most of his career at West Ham United and Fulham. Again, he was old when this movie was released so an old English defender makes sense. I'm voting for Rio Ferdinand. I just want to hear him call Sylvester Stallone an "egg".
Finally, Tottenham legend Ossie Ardiles. I have to replace him with another Spurs player, right? I think I'd replace Ossie with Scott Parker. Why? Because that hair belongs in the movies, damnit!
What should I do about my wife rewinding to watch Jamie Redknapp’s commentary on Sky over and over because "he’s hot"?
Excellent question. First of all, look at this guy. Surely you can concede that he's a decent looking dude. So your wife isn't oogling some random schlub.
My girlfriend does this all the time. Somebody takes off their shirt on Grey's Anatomy and I have to re-watch it four freaking times. Let's be honest though, we do the same thing. Hopefully we're a little more sneaky about it. Ever seen "Wanted"? I watched Angelina Jolie get out of that tub about 8,000 times.
So, to answer your question? You don't do anything. Smile, do your best to look cute, and if all else fails just get up to get another beer.
Kevin Prince Boateng scored a hat-trick for Milan this week against Lecce. Which players have Spurs voluntarily let go, that you feel should have stayed and therefore contributed to the teams success?
Damn. A Spurs question. We were doing so well too. I think Kevin Prince Boateng is near the top in recent years. Dimitar Berbatov is on the list as well. We can argue about the voluntariness of that transfer if you want, but let's just remember he would have been a huge asset.
Sol Campbell would have been nice to keep around. I know that's a dirty word to Spurs fans and the circumstance under which he left were pretty shady, but let's be honest. If we would have had Sol and Ledley King we would have been in the Champions League a lot sooner.
In terms of history? We probably should have held on to Glenn Hoddle, Teddy Sheringham, David Ginola, and Jurgen Klinsmann a little longer than we did.
Last question! And it goes to....Skipjack:
Jaime Redknapp and Taylor Twellman have literally challenged you to a knife fight with two up front. What Spurs player/coach do you want backing you up?
Yes, I know we answered this on the podcast, but I want to answer it here in a bit more detail. It's a tough question. My first instinct is Joe Jordan, because he's Joe Jordan. Younes Kaboul is a scary and intimidating guy, but he's French so I figure he's useless in a fight. If Ledley is raging drunk I might pick him, but he tends to fall through tables.
Too bad this questioned wasn't asked a year or so ago because I definitely would have picked Jonathan Woodgate. He's a scary dude. All that said, Redknapp and Twellman aren't the most intimidating pairing. Not that I'm Rambo or whatever, but Twellman and his fauxhawk don't scare me.
I think I'd pick Vedran Corluka. He's a biggish guy and he grew up in Croatia. You know he's a little bit hard. Plus, if worst comes to worst he take off his wooden legs and beat Twellman with them.
That's it everyone. Show's over. Maybe I'll start doing this more often, but you guys are going to have to step your respective games up. I need more fun and interesting questions. Less questions about football and more questions about life. I know you can do it.