It's cold outside, the nights are getting shorter, and Alison Brie is doing a song and dance number in skimpy clothing. The holiday season is upon us and with it comes copious amounts of alcohol, finals, and a congested fixture schedule which questions the logic of a 20 team top flight. Now while some of you may have enterprising spouses or parents who got their shopping done weeks ago, some of you may be gifted with people who don't purchase presents until after the midnight showing of The Darkest Hour. In that case, here is a handy gift guide that you could use to help guide your purchases for a Spurs fan, or give hints to your friends and relatives on what would be a good gift for you.
An SBNation User Account and Membership to Cartilage Free Captain - Listen, you think all this booze in the writers room shows up for free? You can even think of it as a present for us.
Gifts for Under $20:
A Tottenham F.C. Bar Scarf - What better way to keep the Spurs fan in your life warm this winter than with a Tottenham F.C. Bar Scarf! Not only is it stylish and fashionable, but it's the perfect gift to help brainwash your significant other into becoming a Tottenham Hotspur supporter! Just tell her it's from England and makes her look even better than Sylvie Van der Vaart.
The Tottenham Hotspur 2012 Calendar - Develop your man crush on Scott Parker even further with this Spurs 2012 Calendar! The perfect stocking stuffer, it features every Spurs player in various action shots. Sorry everyone, no beach photo shoots.
Tottenham Hotspur Street Sign - Announce to everyone in your house that your room is Spurs country. If Daniel Levy had his way though you could fool everyone in your house into thinking you lived in the most boring borough of London.
Gifts for Under $50:
Tottenham Hotspur Hip Flask - #1 for myself, this pure chrome hip flask has by far the most utility of any gift listed here. Filled with your liquor of choice, and paired with your scarf, it will help keep you warm as you watch Spurs get screwed by referees on a cold, rainy night in Stoke-on-Trent.
Tottenham Hotspur Bar Set - The perfect addition to your bar or milk crate, drink your beer in style on Saturday mornings as you watch your Spurs take on the Premier League. Featuring only one glass, yet four coasters, this gift is just as logical as Manchester United having only one good midfielder but about eight great wingers.
Tottenham Hotspur Cufflinks - For the professional Spurs fan, these cufflinks are sure to help make you look as coif as Scott Parker without a fraction of the amazing hair action. Also it will help convince your boss that you're not a massive alcoholic.
Gifts for Under $100:
Tottenham Hotspur Home/Away Unpersonalized Kit - Now we're in jersey territory. This is standard gift territory, the jersey of your favorite team. Always a great gift, but somewhat lacking in not going the full distance in giving you something kind of unique.
1984 UEFA Cup Final Tottenham Hotspur Kit - Truly show how big of a fan you are by getting a kit of the last Spurs team to win a European trophy. Relive the 1984 Final when Spurs defeated Anderlecht 4-3 in Penalties at White Hart Lane. Oddly enough, we haven't won in Europe or the FA Cup since we got rid of Holsten as our sponsor. Quick, get Holsten on the horn!
Gifts for under $150:
Nike Seitiro Premier League Ball - You may not have the talent or ability of a Premier League player, but you can use the same ball he does. FIFA approved so you know it's quality, this Nike ball will provide you weeks of amusement until you lose it in the neighbors yard.
Gareth Bale Home/Away Kit - Many other players are available, but why not celebrate the birth of our lord and savior with his own kit! Make fun of those poor saps who got the unpersonalized kit, and teach them that the real meaning of the season is not giving, but showing off who has the best present.
Gifts for under $2100:
Round Trip Airfare and Hotel to Arsenal v. Tottenham at the Emirates - For the 1%er on your Christmas list, this is the ultimate Spurs trip. Take a round trip Virgin Airlines flight into London ($380) on February 24th, where you will be whisked away to your stay at the best hotel in London, The Lanesborough ($1200 a night) on historical Hyde Park. While being pampered to your hearts delight, the next day you will take your Gareth Bale Spurs kit, your Spurs flask, and your Spurs scarf to the Emirates, where you will cheer for Tottenham in the Tottenham cheering section. Truly, the best gift any Spurs fan could receiver this season.