This transfer window, Tottenham Hotspur will sell Gareth Bale to Barcelona. NO I'M FOR SERIOUSLY.

I loved the Guardian's football transfer rumours column this morning. It's basically my favorite thing ever because it always promotes all kind of rubbish with no citations. I'm not taking a shot at The Guardian here, anyone who is remotely educated and not ridiculously uptight can see that they're just having fun. This kind of thing does not exist to be taken seriously. But, they addressed three Tottenham Hotspur rumors that seem relatively plausible. Let's get to it!

Barcelona are interested in Gareth Bale, but won't pay more than £25m

I can totally believe that this is a thing. Obviously, Barcelona would see him as a left back, kind of like a left-sided Daniel Alves. Only Barcelona could get away with playing Alves and Bale as their fullbacks. I totally believe that Barcelona would like to have Bale and that they won't pay more than £25m. I also believe that's a non-starter for Daniel Levy.

Tottenham Hotspur and Stoke City will both be offered Junior Hoilett for £8 million

For this price, I'm on the Hoilett bandwagon. However, he's the kind of guy that Harry cannot just tell to f--kin run around a bit. He doesn't seem terribly intelligent on the football pitch going in either direction and he is truly deficient as a defender. This guy is stupid talented, but needs some coaching. I'm not sure what Tony Pulis would do with the worst defending winger on earth.

Tottenham are looking at Freiburg striker Papiss Demba Cisse

YES YES YES PLEASE I WILL BUY ALL OF THE CISSE SHIRTS IF THIS HAPPENS YES.

This has been your rubbish roundup of the day.