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Who The Hell Is Going To Play Central Midfield?

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HE SHALL PLAY TWO POSITIONS TONIGHT.
HE SHALL PLAY TWO POSITIONS TONIGHT.

If you didn't see, we have no central midfield players. Jake Livermore is available for tonight's match against Hearts, but literally every other CM on the books at Tottenham Hotspur is out with some kind of injury. Sandro, Tom Huddlestone, Luka Modric, Jermaine Jenas and Wilson Palacios. All out. Harry joked that we were going to invent a new formation with only one central midfielder, but I think we can all agree that this is an incredibly stupid idea.

Having said that, here are our various options for the center of midfield tonight:

Rafael van der Vaart

This is not that big of a change. He just has to mark people and tackle and shit. Nevermind, this is that big of a change.

Younes Kaboul

With William Gallas and Ledley King out, this would mean that Sebastien Bassong steps into central defense. Um, next.

Vedran Corluka

This is not an atrocious idea. He has done this before and Kyle Walker is a competent right back. Leader in the clubhouse!

David Bentley

If he's a decent defensive winger, he's big, and he's slow - all of which are true - he might be less crap in the middle than he is wide right. Just a guess.

Andros Townsend

Andros Townsend is actually a winger who played at Millwall last season. This would probably be a bad idea.

Souleymane Coulibaly

Just kidding.

Harry Kane

He can do anything, he's fucking Hurricane Harry Kane.

Niko Kranjcar

This is really the only option that makes sense.

Giovani dos Santos

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT.