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Harry Redknapp Is Stuck In 1992 OR Joe Cole Sucks At Football

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This is Joe Cole attempting to play football. As you can see, he's got it all wrong. (Photo by Stanley Chou/Getty Images)
This is Joe Cole attempting to play football. As you can see, he's got it all wrong. (Photo by Stanley Chou/Getty Images)
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Did you know that Harry Redknapp signed Joe Cole for West Ham United when Cole was 11? Did you know that was in 1992? Did you know that is the last time Joe Cole was good at football? Well, all those things are true and if The Guardian is to be believed, Liverpool, who Cole allegedly "plays" for, are prepared to let Cole talk to Tottenham Hotspur.

Sure, some people might disagree. They might say that Joe Cole was a very good footballer for Chelsea. I don't recall that. I'm pretty sure you're all thinking of Ashley Cole who also played for Chelsea and had a very famous wife. I also hear he likes to shoot children with air rifles, but that's a story for another time.

Joe Cole must be useful for something because apparently Liverpool are paying him £90,000 per week, which is absolutely absurd because I don't think Cole has played a competitive match of football since 2003. In that year Cole won Hammer of the Year, which I assume is like winning a Gold Medal at the Special Olympics, it's nice, but it doesn't really mean much. That's actually probably a bit harsh. I in know way meant to say that Special Olympians are as inept as West Ham.

Seriously though, what does Joe Cole have to offer Tottenham Hotspur? Sure, he could keep Ledley King company in the training room, but so could Arjen Robben and he's much better at football. Unless Cole can play central defense, which I doubt since he's about 5'6", this makes no sense whatsoever. I'm not sure how Spurs will afford Cole's astronomical wages or how much they're going to ask Liverpool pay them to take Cole off their hands, but hopefully Levy asks for £10 million. That's how this transfer business works, right?

Thanks Harry Redknapp. You always make my life interesting.