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Tuesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For April 17, 2012

"I got you" -Fabrice Muamba
"I got you" -Fabrice Muamba

Happy Tuesday, Spursland! Today I bring you tidings of great joy. Not only did Wigan beat Arsenal yesterday, thus keeping our quest for 3rd alive (which we have no shot of getting), but I have received word that this weekend I will be chaperoning a middle school dance. While most other teachers shirk this obligation with a commitment usually only seen from mothers giving birth, I look at it as a time to have untold amounts of fun.

Fun thing number one, I get to play detective. At all times some kid will be trying to sneak off to "do stuff" with one of the visiting girls (I work at an all boys boarding school). It is my job to track down these little wiper snappers before they can get their guests off behind the field house or in some surreptiiosly unlocked classroom. I like to picture myself as a young Christopher Meloni from Law And Order SVU, "I AM COMING FOR THE TRUTH PUNK".

Fun thing number two, I get to watch the majority of these kids relive all the agonizing, nerve-racking parts of childhood where they either try and fail at hooking up or grinding or whatever tweens do these days, or simply can't handle all the hormones when a girl smiles at them and panics and runs away. I have done a few of these mixer things on a smaller scale and it is comedy of a Whose On First level. And then I get to dispense sage dating and move making advise, thus looking like a god among men to my students.

Fun thing number three, after it is all over on Monday, I get to give you the greatest hits! Schadenfreude will ensue.

But enough of this dribble, I give you the "news"

Remy Not Going To Spurs- Sky Sports

I can't imagine why he is trying to distance himself from us (look at me BRIGing), unless of course he noticed how we have been playing since what sure seems like the last time he was rumored to be coming.

Scotty Says Spurs Have Failed if They Don't Reach Fourth- Sky Sports

I like this. This resets the goal for the team. If everyone buys in to this then it wipes the slate clean and establishes where the finish line is, it just might allow the team to move forward. This is what would happening in a perfect world. However as we all remember, we are Spurs.

Sandro's Agent Is Leaking Interest From Italy- Forza Italian Football

Sandro has four-and-a-half years left on his current deal, he hasn't been playing very well, thus he is not leaving.

What's happening around SB Nation after the jump

Fabrice Muamba Released Form Hospital- SB Nation Soccer

Suck on that, Death! YOU SUCK ON THAT AND YOU LIKE IT! Yes! Yes! Yes!

!mage: Section 8 Tifo Supports Gay Rights- SB Nation Soccer

Maybe! I mean, maybe the rainbow just represents all races and peoples. Not that Section 8 does not support gay rights, I'm just saying that I am against putting words in peoples mouths. The members of Section 8 probably support gay rights, but isn't there a chance, just one chance in a million, that they are really an organization of zombies backed by the Illuminati?

USA Men's And Women's Teams Unveils The New National Team Kits, Plays Where's Waldo- SB Nation Soccer

These are not nearly as bad as they could be. Let us all ponder that this is where we set the bar now for new US kits. You only get to a bar that low after decades of shit.

VIDEO: Boca Junior Players Exit Bus To Fight Opposition Fans- SB Nation Soccer

Is this stupid on all parties parts? Yes. Does it surprise me? No. If you don't understand why then I really suggest that you watch this amazing BBC documentary on hooliganism and fan culture in Italy and Argentina. Let it suffice to say that player or fan, football in Argentina is a bit on the rough side.