Okay, I know we're all angry and confused and depressed after that display of (cough) pigshit, so maybe this will cheer y'all up. I had a poetry brainstorm in the shower this morning and by the time I had finished my coffee there were five short double-dactyl stanzas floating through my deformed noggin.

You all remember double-dactyls from grade school, right? "Higgledy piggledy" poems?

...No? Ah well, they taught them in the early 1980s. Feel free to add your own in the comments. Make 'em cathartic if you'd like. Embrace your inner English major.

Higgledy Piggledy
Tottenham Chicken Badge
Making us nervous for
Matches to come.
We understand that there's
Cycles in footy -- Just
Don't fucking finish back
Behind the Scum.

Higgledy Piggledy
Leandro Damiao
What will it take for you
To join our side?
Seems in Spurs' dealings with
Internacional,
Always the bridesmaid and
Never the bride.

Higgledy Piggledy,
Tottenham Manager
"You're talkin' tactics?
Sure, I'll take a stab.
4-4-2? 4-5-1?
4-1-2-1-1-1?
Too complicated,
I guess we'll just FRAAB."

Higgledy Piggledy
Massimo Luongo
Missed that penal vs. Stoke - It's OK.
Some might say he could be
Lacking in confidence;
"Better than Pav"
Is all I have to say.

Higgledy Piggledy
Sandro Ranieri - when
Playing United you
Had too much class.
When you faced Scholesey it
Seems like you should've gone
Eric Cantona on
His ginger ass.

Higgledy Piggledy
Rafael Van Der Vaart
Our Flying Dutchman
Whom no one can catch
But between the hamstrings
And horse placenta treatments
Can he play more than
Two thirds of a match?

Higgledy Piggledy
Assou-Ekotto's hair:
When it runs free it gives
Us a good show.
Go to a barber shop
Close to the Lane to teach
Tom Huddlestone how to
Grow a good 'fro.

Higgledy Piggledy
Benedict Cumberbatch
Should be a Spurs player
'Cause he would rule.
Put him on defense,
He's tall, so on set pieces,
Header past Szczesny…
Now THAT would be cool.