Post Your Best Transfer Rumor Mad Libs

Contest time! Sorry, you don't win anything, just recognition in a later post and the admiration of your fellow commenters. Using the spectacular transfer rumor template put together by our own Uncle Menno, take a shot at constructing a transfer rumor. We'll recognize:

Funniest mad lib

Most realistic mad lib

Most outrageous mad lib that is not outside the realm of possibility

Get cracking! Here's your template. Leave your mad lib in the comments.

[Shit Team Coach] in the Hunt for [Fringe Spurs Player] in SHOCK SWITCH

[Tottenham Fringe Player (TFP)] has been linked with a shock move to [Shit Team] as [Shit Team Coach] seeks to bolster their [attack/defense/goalkeeping] options ahead of next season's [league] campaign, [Shitty English Football Rag] understands.

[TFP] arrived at White Hart Lane in [year] to high acclaim, but has found himself out of favor with Spurs coach Harry Redknapp, and the [position] seeks to restart his career with a new club. [Shitty English Football Rag] understands that the [Shit Team Nickname] gaffer has put in a "cheeky" bid of [criminally low figure £] bid for [TFP], hoping to lure him away from Spurs with the promise of more playing time and a fresh start at the club. However, this bid may hit a snag over Spurs' valuation of [TFP] which is reportedly [batshit insane figure £], and [Shit Coach] may instead opt for a season-long loan.

"'Ees a top, top lad," Redknapp reportedly said about [TFP], "But the chairman and I will be looking over all of the [position] players over a bacon sandwich this weekend."

[TFP] is one of several Spurs players expected to force their way out of White Hart Lane, including [Player 2], [Player 3], [Player 4], and Luka Modric. Meanwhile, Redknapp has cast his eye on [aging English footballer] and plans on an audacious swoop for the player sometime in the next few weeks.