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Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For June 13, 2012

Who said I was quitting?  Was it you, over there, who looks suspiciously like Ashlock?
Who said I was quitting? Was it you, over there, who looks suspiciously like Ashlock?

Happy Wednesday, Spursland! So how about those Harry Redknapp quitting rumors yesterday, eh? For those who were not online at the time or were "working", the internet basically exploded. Something tells me this internet thing might not be a fad after all.

And now the "news"

Harry Angry With Internet Rumors- Goal

Harry mad, HARRY SMASH!

Spurs To Make Move For Krul- This Is Local London

I love the idea and I would love to see that price. Too bad it will never happen, at least not without the price being a bit higher.

What's happening around SB Nation after the jump including a very special message from me to all the hooligans

France Needs More Than Samir Nasri Wide Play To Be Successful- SB Nation Soccer

France's midfield could be better, but even if they continue to make these odd squad decisions they could still do well. They just need to realize that they are allowed to make runs into the box. It is really easy; you just kind of hang out around the white line and then run across it, preferably on an angle and not in the direction of the guys in the other country's colors.

Russia Fans Display Provocative Banner At The Euros- SB Nation Soccer

Yeah, it is pretty cool, but did they have to put it on a Dutch Angle?

Euro 2012 Power Rankings- SB Nation Soccer

I am a serious mark for power rankings. I read them for sports I don't even like (hello there, basketball). I am also a serious mark for Ryan Rosenblatt. If either of these things describes you then you would probably like to read this.

VIDEO: Kuba Kuba Kuba Kuba Rockin Everywhere- SB Nation Soccer

Amongst the many places that Kuba is rocking is the back of the net.

VIDEO: Poland And Russia Fans Clash- SB Nation Soccer

I have something to say to you if you are a hooligan - fucking stop. And not because what you are doing is dangerous, to you and to others or because you are ruining everyone's fun time or because this is childish or because it is illegal. You have heard all of this stuff before, it is all true, and you don't care.

So let me tell you something that you maybe haven't heard yet. When it comes to fighting, you guys are bad at it. ALL OF YOU. You guys suck at fighting. Like some of the worst I have ever seen kind of bad. I have watched a ton of hooligan themed documentaries, from the BBC (objective and scholarly) and other sources (OH HAI there Danny Dyer and Real Football Factories) and I have read a few books on the subject. I am not at all an expert on the subject, but I know a bit. In every video of hooligan violence I have ever seen I have never seen anything like people who knew how to fight and the video in the link is no exception. If someone throws a solid punch that lands it is always because they ran up behind some unsuspecting victim who had no idea it was coming. When two guys face off more often then not it only results in of few exceptionally shitty kicks being thrown. Perhaps those kicks do damage, you ask? No they don't. I am not trying to sound like a badass or that I could beat George St. Pierre or anything, but I was an MMA fighter for three years. I have trained with guys currently on the UFC roster and I have been grappling competitivly for more than half my life. I know a thing or two about fighting and those kicks don't do a thing.

These videos are always the same, blindsided attacks, the bad kung fu kicks that do nothing, the throwing of missiles (and never ever with any accuracy) or perhaps the poorly organized "charge". None of these things done with any skill and never with any actual courage. None of the blinding charges of glory that hooligans describe in the documentary interviews or their many many books. You guys just suck at what you do, most of the actual injuries are not caused by your total badass ability to kick the crap out of someone else looking to fight, but because when you get that many idiots throwing things and winging punches so bad that the cast of Jersey Shore are snickering at you, eventually people are going to get hurt. My point is that you aren't just embarrassing yourselves because you are too old to be acting this way, or it's pointless, or any of the million other reasons why this activity is complete crap that much is self evident to toddlers. You are also embarrassing yourself because you guy suck at something you clearly practice pretty regularly.