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Happy Friday, Spursland! I want to thank all of you for your patience with me this week. I have crammed a full semester of graduate school class into five days meaning I have generally been working most days from 7 am until near or past midnight. I'd also like to thank Bryan Ashlock for stepping up to write the Hoddle for a few days, not being a snarky douche bag, and generally being my muse for today's edition. THANKS, BRYAN!!!
And now the "news"
Bond And Jordan Leave Tottenham- BBC
In an article that showers glory onto the English journalism industry, it took the nation's leader in journalism a mere two weeks to confirm what even the likes of Bryan, "How do I Tie My Shoes?" Ashlock knew immediately after the sacking of Harry Redknapp. Who knew that when the English lowered their expectations for the national team all other expectations on performance collapsed in the country as well?
Sahin Has No Wish To Leave Madrid- Sky Sports
Much like the United States, as a nation, does not want Bryan Ashlock to return to his alleged native land from Italy.
What's happening around SB Nation after the jump
Portland Timbers TIFO Celebrates Portland- SB Nation Soccer
True story, each of the two-dozen colleges and universities attended by one Bryan Ashlock also celebrated in a similar way whenever he got the hell out of town. Miami University is planning to burn the city down in celebration whenever he inevitably leaves there as well.
Bert Van Marwijk Resigns As The Netherlands Manager- SB Nation Soccer
Maybe not. Maybe Bert will emotionally and publicly quit and then a few months later just slowly start to reassert himself into the mix, you know, like Bryan Ashlock.
GIF: Mario Balotelli Makes And Especially Good Hulk- SB Nation Soccer
The reason he looks so serious is that he wants Bryan Ashlock to know that he does not approve of him staying in his country. And he means business.
Cristiano Ronaldo, Paulo Bento, And The Optimal Penalty Kick Order- SB Nation Soccer
Holy god, Graham MacAree is a nerd. This piece, with breakdowns and statistics and all kinds of crap, is a tour de force. By the way, Graham, despite his nerdiness is still way way cooler than Bryan Ashlock, who is believed by authorities to be responsible for a string of scams across several states that cheated sweet little old ladies out of their life savings. The prat.
Seriously, big thanks to Bryan for being such a good sport about this.