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Monday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For July 9, 2012

Johnny Vertical!
Johnny Vertical!

Happy Monday, Spursland! Finally the Jan HAS COME BACK to Tottenham. Mussels and frits all around and all Premier League forwards, be on notice that Johnny Vertical is going to layith the smack down ON ALL YOUR CANDY ASSES. And now for the millions, AND mIllions of the Jan's fans, If ya smellllllllllllllll what the Jan is cooking.

And now the "news"

Bentley To Be Given A Clean Slate- Sky Sports

No, not really though. Yes, of course, Villas-Boas told him he had a clean slate, but what else is the new manager going to say to the guy? "No. I think you suck and, by the way, your mother is a terrible cook." He is just playing the nice guy right now, and he probably will give Bentley a chance in training. After he sees what the guy can do he will then very politely sell him to a team that would better appreciate him, like the Richmond Kickers.

Spurs Hard Boiled Round The Edges, Gooey Center Needs Nuts- Dear Mr. Levy

Read this, if for no other reason than the single greatest and most subtle reference to The Great Escape in the history of Steve McQueen.

Tottenham To Continue Spending Spree With £20m Bid For Lewendowski- Caught Offside

This is most likely the latest pile of rubbish, but it is a rumor that has steadily gained traction over the last few days on the internet and the depths of my soul. For more coverage on this rumor just follow all of the CFC staff on Twitter, where just yesterday a good 50% of, and a few community members, nerded out about this for about an hour. It was embarrassing in the best sense of the word. If you don't know how to use the twitter machine to follow us, just look all the way on the left of the front page, about half way down.

What's happening around SB Nation after the jump

The Great Goal-Line Technology Scam- SB Nation Soccer

I am a firm believer that a referee blowing a call is part of sport. I am also a firm believer that a certain amount of cheating gamesmanship is part of all high level competition so my reaction to this article can best be expressed through the voice of the great Daniel Bryan.

MLS All Star Teams Starting XI Is Odd, Contains Beckham -SB Nation Soccer

For those of you thinking to yourself, "Beckham and Henry don't belong in the starting XI" then you are missing the greater point that All-Star games are bullshit and shouldn't exist.

VIDEO: Chris Wondowondo Or Whatever His Name Is Gets A Shot Saved Off The Line In Dramatic Fashion- SB Nation Soccer

I am not kidding when I say that every time I see Chris Wondolowski's name in print I pronounce it Wondowondo in my head. Also, that is some sick defense by Herman Pertuz, whose name is infinitely beautiful to say out loud. Go ahead, try saying out loud wherever you are (3-1 odds on bathroom stall). See, wasn't that just joyous?

VIDEO: Robots Playing Soccer Badly- SB Nation Soccer

Originally I had a comment here about the future of human life with robots and how this was the first step towards the lowering of human standards, but it came off as unnecessarily alarmist and made me look like a crazy person who fears that one day robots will rule all and humans will live life much like in the matrix. So instead let me not say that at all and just say...look it's the world biggest gathering of virgins!!!!!

On a sober note, rest in peace Ernest Borgnine. He not only was an Academy Award winner for Best Actor, but was in The Dirty Dozen and BASEketball. the jackasses in the robot video should take a few notes on how to affect the human race in a positive way. No, that isn't a joke.