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Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For August 1, 2012

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I need to practice this more
I need to practice this more

Happy Wednesday, Spursland! Yesterday a question was asked: could someone rank the other 19 premier league teams in terms of whose fans would you least like to meet in a fight. Today I answer that question.

For the purpose of these rankings we will assume that we are using the Unified Rules Of MMA, and my limited knowledge of England and Wales.

1. Chelsea
Look, you take the dive against Roman's boys or those fellas in the leather jackets with no necks pay your mum a visit. (allegedly)

2. Aston Villa
The names sounds vaguely Roman and according to the opening scene from Gladiator and my viewing of season one of Rome those guys were pretty badass. (Can you tell I am just making these up yet?)

3. Arsenal
It is ALWAYS the quiet ones you have to worry about. Have you ever seen a game at the Emirates? Nobody in the world is quieter. You can always tell a Milford man (Editor's note: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).
4. Everton
Inferiority complex thanks to more famous local rivals? Check? Culture of just getting the job done with fewer resources? Check.

5. Swansea
I wouldn't guess that they are the most technically gifted in the bunch but they have no quit in them. Factor in the Napoleonic nature of being a Welsh team in the English FA and you have yourself a scrappy scrappy (Doo) fight.

6. Manchester City
These fans historically come from the rough and ready part of Manchester. Toss in all of the oil money being thrown around up there and now they can probably afford to pay Anderson Silva to train them. They could do some damage. They are also probably biters.

7. Sunderland
As Game Of Thrones has taught us, northerners are always tougher than those pampered southerners. That was also taught to us by Ulysses Grant.

8. Manchester United
They are that kid in school that everyone hates usually gets into a lot of fights. If you tend to get into lots of fights you either get tough or ask your mother to put you into private school. I am guess Man Utd. got pretty good at fighting.

9. Newcastle
I feel like if they send out this guy then they have a puncher's chance against anyone. Look at all that padding.

10. QPR
They are Rangers. I think that explains enough

11. Reading
I have been to Reading numerous and not the one in England, the one in Pennsylvania. There was nobody in that town I wanted a piece of. I assume that because of the name the same is true across the Atlantic. You guys have Latin Kings, right?

12. Southampton
This club just keeps producing talented youngsters on the pitch and there is no reason not to expect them to have some talents to put into the arena.

13. Wigan
Home of the World Pie Eating Championship, not exactly what the UFC scouts are looking for.

14. Liverpool
Liverpool might be able to make a fight of it, but they are just to busy wiping the tears from their eyes after last season to really have a chance at blocking any punches

15. Fulham
Exactly zero of the great fighters of the world denote themselves with creepy Michael Jackson statues.

16. WBA
They use a word from what is essentially a dead language in their name. How good could these brainy little pukes be?

17. West Ham
They come from a tough area of London, but you have to factor in the recent relegation. How good could they be?

18. Norwich
The Canaries, the least intimidating animal in the world. I think that says all that needs to be said.

19. Stoke
The ones who crow the loudest, the ones that do it in big groups making idle threats, these are always the easiest when you get them one-on-one in the ring. Much like that little yippee dog from up the street, it makes a lot of noise, but if push comes to shove you could completely own it with one nice shot.

And now the "news"

Charlie Adam's Agent Calls Bale's Coward Branding "Outrageous"- Telegraph

We all know how it was back in the day on the playground. The guy who cheap shots you is always in the right when he gets upset that you call him a name after he kicks you in the nanners. That's how it is done on the streets.

The Stupendous Adventures Of Gareth Bale And Charlie Adam- Dear Mr Levy

This explains everything!

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