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Daniel Levy's Hunt For A Striker

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With the end of the summer transfer period quickly approaching Daniel Levy has finally, at the urging of coaches, fans, and readers of blogs everywhere, to step up his search for a striker. Levy has already been rebuffed by Emmanuel Adebayor, despite Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini saying that the Togolese striker has no future at the Etihad. Fortunately, we're privy to all the conversations that are taking place in Daniel Levy's office.

Andre Villas-Boas: Mr. Levy, I cannot stress to you just how important it is for this squad that we sign a good striker. Preferably a true number nine.

Daniel Levy: I know Andre. I'm working on that, but I have a question for you. What would you think of adding Yann M'Villa?

Villas-Boas: That would be a huge coup for the club, but we really do need a striker. Will there be enough money left for one after we buy M'Villa?

Levy: One what?

Villas-Boas: A striker.

Levy: Oh. Right. Well, maybe if we sell David Bentley and Jermaine Jenas.

Villas-Boas: I don't think we can get much money for those two.

Levy: Well, we don't need much money to buy a striker. Creative midfielders, those are the type of players that cost real money. You can get a good striker for £10 million or less.

Villas-Boas: With all due respect Mr. Levy, I think the kind of player we need is going to cost more than...

The phone on Levy's desk begins ringing

Levy: Picking up the phone. Hello? Yes, speaking. What? No. Stop calling here!

Villas-Boas: What was that?

Levy: Some guy named Florentino. He keeps calling and asking to buy paella or something. I really don't know. I don't speak Spanish. Look, Andre, I've been bidding on strikers, but none of the clubs will accept my offers. I'm doing the best I can do.

Villas-Boas: Have you tried increasing your offers?

Levy: ...

Villas-Boas: ...

Levy: ...

Villas-Boas: Ok, well, this has been productive. Thanks for your time Mr. Levy. I'll just leave this list of strikers I'd like to bring in here on your desk.

Levy: Puts on his glasses and picks up Villas-Boas' list. Leandro Damiao, Loic Remy, and Fernando Llorente. Well, I've bid for all those players already.

Villas-Boas: Well, Mr. Chairman, like I said. Just do what you can. Any help up front would be appreciated. Starts to walk out of the room.

Levy: Andre! Wait! what about Gaston Ramirez?

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