Sandro rumors, or when English rags are the worst

Now that Luka Modric and Gareth Bale are gone, Sandro is Tottenham Hotspur's best player. When healthy, he was the Premier League's best pure defensive midfielder. Before he got injured last season, he led all major European leagues in tackles and interceptions per game. Spurs look like a legitimate top-four side with him in the team, but generally look like garbage without him. His ability and importance to the team cannot be overstated.

It makes perfect sense, then, that The Mirror and The Sun are running stories about his potential exit. I can see why he'd be tempted to make a move to the likes of Manchester United, Real Madrid, Barcelona or Bayern Mu ... wait up, who are you linking him to again? And why?

Tottenham midfielder Sandro could be a January target for Serie A leaders Roma

The Brazilian may be tempted to make a move with a regular starting spot not guaranteed at White Hart Lane

Good lord.

[Sandro] has failed to nail down a regular position after returning from a lengthy injury spell this season.

Andre Villas-Boas is continuing to rotate his midfield options with Sandro, Etienne Capoue and Mousa Dembele, who has also been linked with a move, vying to partner summer signing Paulinho.

Sandro has failed to nail down a regular position because he's still working his way back to full fitness after tearing his fucking ACL. He's not going anywhere unless one of world football's giants offers Modric money or better. How could anyone who watches the Premier League at all think that Sandro is surplus to requirements and available for transfer? Seriously, what the hell?

Oh, and there's this hilarious nugget.

With Dutch midfielder Kevin Strootman continually linked with Manchester United, Spurs' combative midfielder could be the man to replace him.

Kevin Strootman is a pure deep-lying playmaker who needs to be covered for defensively because he lacks athleticism, tenacity and other skills required to win the ball and/or prevent the other team from moving the ball. Also, he moved to Roma in August, so United could have just bought him from PSV if they really wanted him.

This is your almost-daily reminder that the major English papers are trash.