Wednesday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For November 6, 2013

Happy Wednesday, Spursland! Our offense needs help. I suggest we follow the logic of this rabbit.

And now the "news"

Spurs Fan Asks Wenger For A Picture, Makes Wanking Motion- 101 Great Goals

Alright, alright, you know what to do -- get on your feet and clap, you animals. Stand and lay your laurels at this hero's feet. This is a man who was the savant of comedy at his lunch table in 7th grade and heroically never developed himself further so at this moment years later he could use his talents for good.

Gareth Bale Almost Never Scored "That" Hat Trick- Metro

Yeah, but he did. Articles like this make my brain bleed into my skull with rage. Why does it matter that it almost didn't happen? Most things that happen almost didn't happen. I almost didn't go to work today, but I did so I get to continue with my usual life. You never want to be the guy talking about what you almost did. The Almost Guy is usual thinking to himself about the time he "almost" put on a condom, but didn't as he stands in a parent teacher conference a decade later having a teacher explain that his kid is an idiot who bites people.

Why Can't Tottenham Score- SB Nation Soccer

I hate how right this is. I hated it even more after I watched this yesterday. If you need me, I will be staring at the framed pictures of Lamela and Soldado with prices labeled in at the bottom that I keep on my bedside table and listening to Don't Speak on repeat.

Argentinians Almost Shut Out Of World Cup Tickets- SB Nation Soccer

I bet they don't mind, though. They are known to be pretty easy going with their soccer fandom.

Police Called After Man WIns Football Bet With His Wife And Dares To Collect- SB Nation

I mean, they did both agree to this right? That part was stupid, but they are both consenting adults.