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Thursday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For December 5, 2013

Your daily Tottenham-related news and links today involve Spurs getting mugged off by a Sunderland player. Revel in it.

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Paul Gilham

Morning Spursland! So we won a match against a Premier League side last night, wooooooo! I'm only hypothesizing here, but I imagine the euphoria that surrounded this event induced our beloved theroosevelts to enjoy one or nineteen amber nectars and fall asleep naked on his couch or in some scrubland. In lieu of his witty and wonderful stylings, here's your emergency fix of Spurs news for the day.

Soldado insists he will find goalscoring touch in the Premier League- The Telegraph

I'd suggest asking for tips from that mysterious masked Romanian who swept in to save our skins last night, if only he wasn't doing such a great job of concealing his identity.

Dossena: Sunderland can beat Spurs as they're not as good as Chelsea- Metro

Counterpoint: Spurs can beat Sunderland as they're not as good as any other team in the League. Even a Crystal Palace side that is the footballing equivalent of a very slow car crash involving clown cars.

Holtby: Spurs are behind AVB- Sky Sports

Stop confusing us all by suddenly excelling at football and get back to failing challenges on Spurs TV, you hilarious misfit.

Ronaldo hoping to avoid big guns at WC draw- NDTV

It's OK Cristiano, neither me nor my biceps will be present at the event on Friday night.

United go back in for Bilbao's Herrera- The Guardian

A timely signing which will surely help David Moyes meet the expectations that were placed on the first year of his tenure. #NoRelegationForUnitedIn2014

Switzerland's path to an unlikely seed- SBNation

Obligatory joke about offshore private banking and corruption.