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Happy Thursday, Spursland! Gentlemen, ladies, this is a momentous day, for on this day 78 years ago the quintessential family board game, Monopoly, was invented. This game is responsible for hours of family fun before everyone inevitably quits the game early room, either due to exhaustion or the start of some sort of blood feud. I know the one I started in 2002 with my aunt Marcy is still going strong (eat shit, Marcy, you owe me $450 in purple money). And look you can even play the EPL version of the game. It is only out of date by 15 years! I wonder which team ended up replacing Baltic?
And now the "news"
Johnny Vertical Tips Spurs For 3rd, Says Other Things- Sky Sports
I love Bale, like he gives me feelings, but for Vertonghen to say that he belongs in the same class with Ronaldo and (cough) Messi is doing some bikram yoga level stretching.
Popov Regrets Spitting At Walker- BBC
Well of course he does. Everyone regrets the stupid things we did after the fact (for example, microwave tossing and the things it leads too) when you are confronted with consequences. I mean, Kyle Walker would have to have been the world's biggest asshole for Popov to still feel like spitting on him was a justifiable thing. Then again, maybe he was just offended by Kyle's defensive positioning. I know I usually am.
Roman Police Arrest 3 In Relation To November Attacks On Spurs Fans- Telegraph
When you phrase it like that, don't you just picture Pav dressed up in some sort of stripper/cop uniform blowing his whistle at a bunch of hooligans as he loads them into the paddy wagon? Just me? OK then.
Nigeria To Face Burkina Faso In ACoN Final- SB Nation Soccer
In related news, Burkina Faso is fun to say. Just try to say it without smiling. It's like saying puppy.
USMNT Losses To Honduras- Stars And Stripes FC
Hey, remember when we hired Jurgen Klinsmann and we were all like "hell yes, finally a heavyweight manager, we are about to be on some next level shit"? We were idiots.
The Absolute Craziest Story On National Signing Day- SB Nation
For our readers who aren't American, lets explain what national signing day is. You know how soccer teams can sign young players like really young and retain their rights? Imagine if every player from average to good received heavy lobbying to get them to sing with each club and then they all, repeat ALL signed their paper work on the same day. It's like that. Now is also the time to clue you in on a little game we play with crazy batshit insane news stories here in the states. The game is called "Florida or Ohio," in which you read a crazy headline and then guess which bass-ackwards trashy state it takes place in: Florida, or Ohio.