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Monday Morning Hoddle Of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur News And Links For March 25, 2013

Today's Hoddle comes with a shot at the Canadians.

Bryn Lennon

Happy Monday, Spursland! So that was a nice weekend eh, gang? The Americans won and the English didn't win so much as they erased San Marino from the history books. It was great. Canadian guys, I think you played somebody and it went okay, but I am not looking that up (Editor's note: They lost to Japan, but looked good in the second half so it was alright, I suppose), thus continuing my nation's tradition of complete ambivalence towards our norther friends that we have had since the War of 1812. And, oh man, as soon as you guys get fed up of our crap where we pretend you are nobodies and keep cherry picking your talent (Myers, Anderson, Trebek) you are going to catch us so off guard that the Mounties will be patrolling the Ozarks before we even notice you guys invaded.

And now the "news"

Coleman Promises Not To Risk Bale- Sky Sports

And as soon as he finished this statement to the press, Dan Levy released Chris Coleman's kids from his secret island. He will be keeping his wife until AFTER the game against Croatia as insurance.

Gareth Bale Has His Uses, But The Power Of One Is Over-Hyped In Football- The Guardian

Someone isn't aware of this Argentinian dude named Messi.

USMNT Wins Snow Bowl, Costa Rica Are Sore Losers- Stars And Stripes FC

For those of you who didn't see the game, Costa Rica came to the States and played the Americans in a blizzard -- a full-on no school for a week blizzard. The game conditions were hilariously bad. We are talking inches, plural, of snow on the field. The match was almost abandoned, and it should have been, but it wasn't. The game went to full time. No team had an advantage in these elements and the US won. The Costa Rican FA is planning on appealing, like fucking cry babies.

Oh, boohoo, we aren't used to these conditions they say, as if for a normal game in America we turn on the snow machines and spray the field down just to make in interesting. What a bunch of bullshit. As if when Americans go down south they aren't presented with a slew of obstacles. You have probably heard the same rumors I have, that in Central American countries it is commonplace for helicopters to hover over the hotel the Americans stay in all night before a game so they can't sleep. No challenges to FIFA when stuff like that happens. No belly aching in the Azteca when Landon is taking corner kicks and cops have to hold riot shields over his head to protect him from the bottles and the bags of urine raining down from the stands.

My point is that when you go to other countries to play you are at a disadvantage so deal with it. And did they not take a look at the weather report before they showed up? Did they not know that winter lasts for 10 months in the Rockies? I know if I am going down for a game and it is pretty important, perhaps World Cup qualifying was at stake, I do some prep work, maybe I hit up the weekend tab on and get the forecast. If I lost (which has happens to me a lot. i secretly fear that Bryan A, is holding my stats from college to publish if I piss him off too much) I wouldn't have a temper tantrum about it.

European WC Qualifiers Roundup- SB Nation Soccer

WOW, check out Finland Coming back to tie Spain in Spain. Way to go fighting Moose whatever.

March Madness Coverage- SB Nation

Basketball! Gambling! Depression (screw you, Gonzaga)

The New Ronaldinho- Deadspin