Monday morning Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for April 15, 2013

Happy Tax Day Spursland! Statistically speaking a sizable portion of our American readers just screamed "OH SHIT".

And now the "news"

Adebayor Defends Penalty Miss-Sky Sports

OK, he almost had me with this. He makes a good point, unless you do what I did and go re-watch him take that penalty right after reading his comments. What the hell was that? But it is important to remember not a lot of other people were scoring either so maybe we should get off his back. OK I'll shut up now.

Arsenal Fan Admits To Banana Throw-BBC

I propose an alternative punishment; he takes one leg kick from Bale instead of a ban.

Ledley King: Life After Football

Like I even need to convince you to click on that.

Real Madrid Considering AVB As Mourinho Replacement-Telegraph

Stop, just stop. You can't just take all of our nice things.

Wigan Through To The Final-SB Nation Soccer

Where they will predictably lose to City.

NWSL Season Previews-SB Nation Soccer

Now if only the streaming provided so you can watch the games actually worked, because according to everyone I know who tried to watch yesterday they were balls.

FC Dallas Wins, John Gets Color-Big D Soccer

This was unfortunately a big weekend for dumbasses at football matches. Here is our fine American contribution. John scores, then gets smashed in the head with a bottle thrown from the crowd. I am all for getting wild at the game, I'm all for being fall down drunk at the game, but this stuff isn't cool. It never will be. Look at me once again going out on a limb; do you guys not get how edgy I am yet?

Milwall Fans Apparently Disagree With My Bold Defiant stand against Football Violence-Deadspin

Hey Milwall guys, this must be why you have no friends. Seriously how about this for an idea. These guys want to rep their clubs and firms to which they link themselves to, and they want to fight. Amateur MMA fighting is a thing. You can have zero training really (much like these guys who always seem to be really bad at fighting) and it doesn't ruin shit for the people around you. I propose that we basically regulate hooliganism. These guys can meet up and go one on one fighting guys from other groups in a cage. I can sell tickets and beer and make sure we have professional referees. Let's help these guys accomplish their goal of fighting "for the club" or whatever, and I'll make a tidy profit. They get to scream and yell and fight each other and regular not brain damaged people can go to the games and be guaranteed not to get punched by a drunk who just desperately wants his father to love him.

Newcastle Fans Riot, Old Man Punches Police Horse-Sports Grid

"I'm Mongo!" The old man probably thought before he fell over.

Kat Zingano And Miesha Tate Have A Bloody Barn Burner-Bloody Elbow

Oh the beauty of the brutality.

Oh Yeah Adam Scott Won The Masters-SB Nation Golf

I guess he is OK at hitting balls with sticks.