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Leandro Damiao 'close to signing' and oh god please make it stop

This is the worst thing.

Christof Koepsel

The papers hate you. The papers hate me. The papers hate all of us and want us to be miserable. They are in the business of making us miserable and toying with our emotions. That's why The Express say that Tottenham Hotspur are "close to finalizing a deal" with Internacional for the transfer of Leandro Damiao.

This "news" comes in light of the "news" from two days ago that Spurs were no longer interested in Damiao. So Tottenham are either extremely close to finalizing a deal to sign Damiao or they're not interested in signing him at all and have ceased to pursue him. Got it?

As bad as the two-year Cristiano Ronaldo, Luka Modric and Cesc Fabregas transfer sagas were, this might be the dumbest one of them all. A Twitter search for "Damiao" will probably lead you to a half-dozen Twitter ITKs who say that Damiao's signing has already been completed and another half-dozen who say Spurs have zero interest.

I'm only addressing these rumors because of my utter contempt for myself.

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